I find that people rarely repeat simple things that we already know to be true, and yet when someone does repeat it, everyone around them who understands it breathes an internal sigh of relief. I find that at the Sunday service, when my pastor speaks simply and deliberately, laying out a problem in simple terms and giving a solid solution without all of the confusion and double-speak floating around by those who would go another way. I don't know if I'm the kind of person who can say something simple in a simple manner. I can certainly do it in a complicated manner. But maybe someone will read it and sigh in relief.
A lot of people are going to be really offended by this, but hopefully not many of them bother to visit my blog! The first simple thing I could say is that people who are going deliberately against God's plan are going against the very workings of the universe, and it's pretty quiet and desolate out there on a limb. This is why they try so hard to convince, not only themselves, but everyone they meet to approve of them and what they're doing. Those who know they're in God's will don't need anybody else's approval. So if you see someone trying to mandate having only their version told and criminalizing alternate opinions, that's a warning flag.
Everyone has a still small voice inside them, a space made by the Creator for Him to fill. When you rebel against society, friends, and your own family, you are fighting what is outside of you. When you rebel against God, you are fighting something inside yourself. That is why some people are extra touchy about the lifestyles they are trying to glorify.
The idea, you see, is that if everyone on the outside agrees with them, perhaps they can stifle the voice inside. The truth is that it won't work. In fact, if the voice inside agrees with you, you do not need any of the voices outside to approve the way you're choosing to spend your time.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Imperfect Parents
Yes, there are always the few on Mother's Day or Father's Day who may feel as if they don't quite deserve the title. They look back on their lives, their successes, but more often their failures. Some are unwed mothers. Some struggled with alcohol or drug addiction. Some are simply perfectionists who pick up any perceived shortcoming (I didn't make his favorite cookies often enough!) and magnify it until it fills the world.
Children learn from their parents, and the way the parents approach their shortcomings will teach their children some very important life lessons. Everyone has shortcomings. Parents should realize and remember that they need to teach their children how to handle them. Strive, of course, and try your best, but don't hate yourself for your mistakes! God doesn't!
Of course, to a young child you're 'perfect', and boy, you'd better be. You're laying down a foundation that helps the child relate to other people and God in this point of his life. If he claims that you're perfect, there's no need to burden his heart out of a desire to tell the truth. You can point out that no human being is perfect and redirect his attention towards God. But there's no need to fill in the details.
On the other hand, there's no need to hide the details forever. As your child is old enough to understand, it's not a terrible thing to admit your shortcomings in the past and, as your child ages further, in the present as well. There are several good things that will come of this careful but honest introspection.
Your child may be able to avoid your mistakes, especially if he knows of the situation before he is old enough to encounter something similar in his own life. All the vicious cycles, alcoholism, violence, procrastination, they can all be broken. Maybe your child won't be the one to do it. Maybe it's meant to be you. Maybe it'll be his child. But an understanding of the tendencies in his family can help him face them within himself without bewilderment and shame.
Also, it can be a relief to a child to know that though the bar may be set high, that it's not insurmountable. It can be a source of comfort to know that perfection is not required for your love. I am reminded of the Back to the Future main character reminiscing about his mother's retelling of her childhood. "I think the woman was born a nun!" That can be a lot for a kid to live up to! When a parent refuses to present himself as anything but perfect, his child might be intimidated at the thought of speaking honestly when he's made a mistake, and that could keep them both from dealing with it before it becomes worse.
Finally, the way a parent handles an imperfection can teach a child a great deal about handling his own mistakes. A parent with a bad temper who honestly and humbly apologizes afterwards can teach a child that it's okay to admit you were wrong. A child can learn the importance of reconciliation, honesty, and humility by watching a parent correct his own mistakes. For an intense, serious child this is even more important, as it shows him how to handle imperfection with calm and dignity. Many children who commit suicide are high achievers who made a relatively unimportant mistake. Be forgiving of yourself for the sake of your child!
A child can learn from an imperfect parent, even one who never owns up to his mistakes. I was reading a list of essays that famous men's sons wrote about their fathers. Some of them wrote things like "My dad taught me how not to treat a woman. I will not call my wife any of the names he called my mother." Children are more observant than you know, and they pick up on emotional cues you may not even know that you're sending. On the other hand, the bond between you is very strong and it is very difficult to turn a child fully against a parent. A simple acknowledgment that you are not a perfect person is not enough to do it.
Children learn from their parents, and the way the parents approach their shortcomings will teach their children some very important life lessons. Everyone has shortcomings. Parents should realize and remember that they need to teach their children how to handle them. Strive, of course, and try your best, but don't hate yourself for your mistakes! God doesn't!
Of course, to a young child you're 'perfect', and boy, you'd better be. You're laying down a foundation that helps the child relate to other people and God in this point of his life. If he claims that you're perfect, there's no need to burden his heart out of a desire to tell the truth. You can point out that no human being is perfect and redirect his attention towards God. But there's no need to fill in the details.
On the other hand, there's no need to hide the details forever. As your child is old enough to understand, it's not a terrible thing to admit your shortcomings in the past and, as your child ages further, in the present as well. There are several good things that will come of this careful but honest introspection.
Your child may be able to avoid your mistakes, especially if he knows of the situation before he is old enough to encounter something similar in his own life. All the vicious cycles, alcoholism, violence, procrastination, they can all be broken. Maybe your child won't be the one to do it. Maybe it's meant to be you. Maybe it'll be his child. But an understanding of the tendencies in his family can help him face them within himself without bewilderment and shame.
Also, it can be a relief to a child to know that though the bar may be set high, that it's not insurmountable. It can be a source of comfort to know that perfection is not required for your love. I am reminded of the Back to the Future main character reminiscing about his mother's retelling of her childhood. "I think the woman was born a nun!" That can be a lot for a kid to live up to! When a parent refuses to present himself as anything but perfect, his child might be intimidated at the thought of speaking honestly when he's made a mistake, and that could keep them both from dealing with it before it becomes worse.
Finally, the way a parent handles an imperfection can teach a child a great deal about handling his own mistakes. A parent with a bad temper who honestly and humbly apologizes afterwards can teach a child that it's okay to admit you were wrong. A child can learn the importance of reconciliation, honesty, and humility by watching a parent correct his own mistakes. For an intense, serious child this is even more important, as it shows him how to handle imperfection with calm and dignity. Many children who commit suicide are high achievers who made a relatively unimportant mistake. Be forgiving of yourself for the sake of your child!
A child can learn from an imperfect parent, even one who never owns up to his mistakes. I was reading a list of essays that famous men's sons wrote about their fathers. Some of them wrote things like "My dad taught me how not to treat a woman. I will not call my wife any of the names he called my mother." Children are more observant than you know, and they pick up on emotional cues you may not even know that you're sending. On the other hand, the bond between you is very strong and it is very difficult to turn a child fully against a parent. A simple acknowledgment that you are not a perfect person is not enough to do it.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The simplest things
I took an Internet test this morning on being a '1930's wife'. I thought I'd score as low as other people I'd seen taking it for sure. I was amazed to find that I scored very highly. I was more amazed to see the kind of things the test required of a good 1930's wife, considering how many people scored poorly.
So what kind of things did I check? I dress before breakfast. I am cheerful in the mornings. I greet my husband with a smile when he comes home from work. Supper is generally on time. I know how to sew a button on a shirt. I try to learn a bit about what he's doing at work. I'm pretty frugal with the money. (Those outside of my uber-frugal New Englander family would say I'm exceptionally frugal with the money.) I'm pleasant even with unexpected guests. I speak with my husband before making large decisions/purchases. I checked that I wear red nail polish, but I don't know if that counted for or against me.
What kind of things did I not check? I don't gossip. I don't correct my husband's speech in front of guests. I don't go to bed angry at him.
Is it so difficult, ladies? I've heard so many women complain bitterly about "what was expected" of that 1930's wife. I've heard them scoff. Doesn't she take any time for herself? Isn't she more than just a doormat? Of course she is! Don't sound so stupid! Does it really take that much from a woman to smile when her husband comes home? To listen to him? To care about what he's been doing, his needs and his struggles, his successes? What'd you even get married for?
I worked full-time outside the home for three years while my husband finished an advance college degree that would allow us to live on a single income so that I could homeschool our son. It was so difficult! I got a taste of what my husband deals with, and on top of that I had to deal with a lot of the household stuff. You know what, though? I learned from it what made a day better and what made it worse. It's a tough world out there, especially in the "cubicle farms," underappreciated and struggling for position.
Do you know how much nicer it is to live that life if you come home to a smile? If you wake up to a pleasant demeanor? To have someone supporting you and not tearing you down? Women act like it's such an unreasonable demand on their time and energy, but it's so little, it's so little and it means so much.
Now you don't really have to know how to sew on a button if you've got the money to buy a new dress every spring and fall. You don't have to know how to cook a masterpiece if you can put something together that's healthy and pretty nearly on time. You don't have to do curlers in your hair and makeup every evening just to look nice when your guy comes home. You have a vacuum cleaner, a dishwasher, a washing machine and dryer, a microwave, and a car. Some people talk as if everyone should go back to the 30's, but that's not necessary. Where we've made progress, let's keep it.
But I would love to keep that 30's attitude, the cheerful, loving, giving wife who doesn't think it's a burden on her time to smile at her husband when he comes home. Someone who cares about taking care of him, who is interested in him. Someone who does the homemaking, not growly and begrudgingly, but with pride and a bit of finesse.
So what kind of things did I check? I dress before breakfast. I am cheerful in the mornings. I greet my husband with a smile when he comes home from work. Supper is generally on time. I know how to sew a button on a shirt. I try to learn a bit about what he's doing at work. I'm pretty frugal with the money. (Those outside of my uber-frugal New Englander family would say I'm exceptionally frugal with the money.) I'm pleasant even with unexpected guests. I speak with my husband before making large decisions/purchases. I checked that I wear red nail polish, but I don't know if that counted for or against me.
What kind of things did I not check? I don't gossip. I don't correct my husband's speech in front of guests. I don't go to bed angry at him.
Is it so difficult, ladies? I've heard so many women complain bitterly about "what was expected" of that 1930's wife. I've heard them scoff. Doesn't she take any time for herself? Isn't she more than just a doormat? Of course she is! Don't sound so stupid! Does it really take that much from a woman to smile when her husband comes home? To listen to him? To care about what he's been doing, his needs and his struggles, his successes? What'd you even get married for?
I worked full-time outside the home for three years while my husband finished an advance college degree that would allow us to live on a single income so that I could homeschool our son. It was so difficult! I got a taste of what my husband deals with, and on top of that I had to deal with a lot of the household stuff. You know what, though? I learned from it what made a day better and what made it worse. It's a tough world out there, especially in the "cubicle farms," underappreciated and struggling for position.
Do you know how much nicer it is to live that life if you come home to a smile? If you wake up to a pleasant demeanor? To have someone supporting you and not tearing you down? Women act like it's such an unreasonable demand on their time and energy, but it's so little, it's so little and it means so much.
Now you don't really have to know how to sew on a button if you've got the money to buy a new dress every spring and fall. You don't have to know how to cook a masterpiece if you can put something together that's healthy and pretty nearly on time. You don't have to do curlers in your hair and makeup every evening just to look nice when your guy comes home. You have a vacuum cleaner, a dishwasher, a washing machine and dryer, a microwave, and a car. Some people talk as if everyone should go back to the 30's, but that's not necessary. Where we've made progress, let's keep it.
But I would love to keep that 30's attitude, the cheerful, loving, giving wife who doesn't think it's a burden on her time to smile at her husband when he comes home. Someone who cares about taking care of him, who is interested in him. Someone who does the homemaking, not growly and begrudgingly, but with pride and a bit of finesse.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Christianity and Tolerance
I'd like to notice something here. With the exception of fearful sheep who claim to follow Christ because they either hold a church membership (all too easy these days) or those who are trying to prove themselves obsessively through a cult mentality, Christians on the whole tend to be more tolerant of other religions than anyone, especially secular humanists. There are a couple of reasons for this, and I'd like to set them out while I'm thinking of them.
Christianity is based on love of all people, regardless of their looks, religions, jobs, and sin. When you truly love as God loves, or rather as much as you are able given your flawed human form, you will not despise members of another religion. You may feel sorry for them, and you will likely wish you could, as Jesus said, gather them under His wings like a mother hen protects and warms her young, but you won't despise them. You won't want to kill them. You won't consider this world a better place without them.
(This doesn't have to make everyone total pacifists. It is terrible but true that in this fallen world one man may have to be killed to protect others. The instructions given to soldiers was not to lay down their arms, but to be content with their salary and not oppress the people they protect.)
There are some people I term 'hyper-Christians' who have their hearts in the right place, but irk those who hate them by focusing so thoroughly on this love that they badger people continuously in hopes of saving any of them, for honestly no other reason than that they would not have anybody fall to destruction. They are different than the 'gotta-catch-them-all' Christians who do so as some kind of sick attempt at a spiritual 500-Saved-Club. God doesn't work with numbers that way, and that leads me to another reason why Christians tend to be tolerant.
Christianity is a matter of devoting your whole self, body, soul, and mind, to God. Nothing less will do, and nothing more is required. Unlike religions where all you have to do is say a phrase and complete the appropriate rituals, or learn your sayings and 'mean it', there is no way to be a lukewarm but genuine Christian. Those who don't care much will fall away, and those who do care will end up in the right direction. Therefore, despite what happens when Christianity (or any religion) meets Power-Hungry, you cannot force conversion and have it stick. Conversion must be not only self-initiated, but anyone pushed into it or led by the nose will invariably end up as rocky or weedy soil. (Those of you who don't know what that means, there's a parable, ask and I'll tell it.)
Christians have a strong base on which to stand when they stand on their faith. Most people who get confused about it are easily confused by shallow tricks (like the old 'how can a loving God disapprove of homosexual acts' etc.) that are easily defeated with an honest understanding of the Bible, rather than an attempt to crowbar it apart. The accuracy of the Bible and support for it's claims surpass the proofs of many historical events that children are taught in school. I could go on, but I don't mean to get into all the proofs here... search them out for yourself. My point is that Christians don't have to shut their ears to any information about any other religion for fear that, as the Nip and Tuck webcomic put it so nicely, their 'worldview will throw a piston rod'. The point of many other groups, particularly gay rights and abortion rights groups, is not only to deliver their message but to silence opposition due to this fear.
These are the three attributes of tolerance from Christians: A sturdy base of faith, a true love for those not of their religion, and an understanding that faith in God must be real and never forced.
From that comes an unprecedented tolerance for those of other beliefs that surpasses the majority of other religions, including Islam, which is beat out for last place in the tolerance game by Secular Humanism because even the most extremist Muslim-led country will allow other religion adherents as second-class citizens.
I continue to study the Quran out of curiosity, unafraid that I may risk eternal damnation by finding something that makes more sense than what I already believe, or that I may find my own religion to be faded and threadbare in comparison. I haven't thrown a piston rod yet, and from what I've read so far, I seriously doubt that I will!
I do plan to do more on that series.. it is not over. For the time being I have been doing spring cleaning, homeschooling, gardening, and basically managing the household, a job that has rather overtaken my free time for a while.
Christianity is based on love of all people, regardless of their looks, religions, jobs, and sin. When you truly love as God loves, or rather as much as you are able given your flawed human form, you will not despise members of another religion. You may feel sorry for them, and you will likely wish you could, as Jesus said, gather them under His wings like a mother hen protects and warms her young, but you won't despise them. You won't want to kill them. You won't consider this world a better place without them.
(This doesn't have to make everyone total pacifists. It is terrible but true that in this fallen world one man may have to be killed to protect others. The instructions given to soldiers was not to lay down their arms, but to be content with their salary and not oppress the people they protect.)
There are some people I term 'hyper-Christians' who have their hearts in the right place, but irk those who hate them by focusing so thoroughly on this love that they badger people continuously in hopes of saving any of them, for honestly no other reason than that they would not have anybody fall to destruction. They are different than the 'gotta-catch-them-all' Christians who do so as some kind of sick attempt at a spiritual 500-Saved-Club. God doesn't work with numbers that way, and that leads me to another reason why Christians tend to be tolerant.
Christianity is a matter of devoting your whole self, body, soul, and mind, to God. Nothing less will do, and nothing more is required. Unlike religions where all you have to do is say a phrase and complete the appropriate rituals, or learn your sayings and 'mean it', there is no way to be a lukewarm but genuine Christian. Those who don't care much will fall away, and those who do care will end up in the right direction. Therefore, despite what happens when Christianity (or any religion) meets Power-Hungry, you cannot force conversion and have it stick. Conversion must be not only self-initiated, but anyone pushed into it or led by the nose will invariably end up as rocky or weedy soil. (Those of you who don't know what that means, there's a parable, ask and I'll tell it.)
Christians have a strong base on which to stand when they stand on their faith. Most people who get confused about it are easily confused by shallow tricks (like the old 'how can a loving God disapprove of homosexual acts' etc.) that are easily defeated with an honest understanding of the Bible, rather than an attempt to crowbar it apart. The accuracy of the Bible and support for it's claims surpass the proofs of many historical events that children are taught in school. I could go on, but I don't mean to get into all the proofs here... search them out for yourself. My point is that Christians don't have to shut their ears to any information about any other religion for fear that, as the Nip and Tuck webcomic put it so nicely, their 'worldview will throw a piston rod'. The point of many other groups, particularly gay rights and abortion rights groups, is not only to deliver their message but to silence opposition due to this fear.
These are the three attributes of tolerance from Christians: A sturdy base of faith, a true love for those not of their religion, and an understanding that faith in God must be real and never forced.
From that comes an unprecedented tolerance for those of other beliefs that surpasses the majority of other religions, including Islam, which is beat out for last place in the tolerance game by Secular Humanism because even the most extremist Muslim-led country will allow other religion adherents as second-class citizens.
I continue to study the Quran out of curiosity, unafraid that I may risk eternal damnation by finding something that makes more sense than what I already believe, or that I may find my own religion to be faded and threadbare in comparison. I haven't thrown a piston rod yet, and from what I've read so far, I seriously doubt that I will!
I do plan to do more on that series.. it is not over. For the time being I have been doing spring cleaning, homeschooling, gardening, and basically managing the household, a job that has rather overtaken my free time for a while.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The Cow vs. 48 and 60 – Who then is righteous?
The Cow vs. 48 and 60 – Who then is righteous?
How to be fit for Heaven
Verse 48 introduces an interesting concept in the midst of another long declaration of how the sinful will perish forever and the sinless will earn paradise. It mentions the attempt to “deserve” Heaven by joining yourself to a “servant of God” as a model. Apparently, if you can identify with someone who certainly deserved Heaven and model yourself after him as much as possible, you may make your way in with the help of an ‘intercession’, the mechanics of which were not laid out. Maybe we will get more detail on that later. However, the very concept of following another human as an example seems strange to Christians, who believe that none of us are without sin and the only perfect example is Jesus Christ.
At this point, it is necessary to understand and remember the difference between the Christian and Muslim view of “sin”. In Islam, unintentional sin is not enough to keep you out of Heaven, but intentional sin is. In Christianity, the bar is raised much higher, but so is the level of hope. Even intentional sin, even the worst sort, can be forgiven through acceptance of Christ’s atonement. Christian faith is an all-or-nothing proposal, with no way to attain righteousness on your own. Islam is a little more vague, with the basic idea that you may be able to refrain from sin sufficient to bar you from Heaven, with Allah’s help and a great deal of prayer.
Sinless prophets through revisionist history
My first thought when reading about intercession was helpfully answered only a few verses later. Being a lifelong Christian, I instantly wondered how you would go about finding a sufficiently righteous man to emulate. “After all, even the prophets of the Bible, even the greatest people sinned. David committed adultery. Moses disobeyed God in Kadesh.”
What was Kadesh? It was the place where the Israelites, once again, complained about lack of water. Moses was told by God to ‘speak to the rock’ and that waters would gush out for the Israelites. Instead, Moses took them to task. “Do you expect me to bring water out of this rock for you?” And he struck the rock with his staff, twice. God answered, and brought the water, but informed Moses later that his punishment for disobedience was that he would never be able to cross over into the
Verse 60 in the Koran, however, tells a different story. It claims that “We (Allah) told Moses to strike the rock, so that water would come out…” in the midst of it’s tirade, admittedly not unlike tirades among Old Testament prophets, about
Now those who are not well versed in the Bible, not only what it says but why, would probably see the difference between ‘speaking’ and ‘striking’ in God’s orders to be so unimportant that it would not even need to be mentioned. God spoke to Moses, Moses struck the rock, the miracle happened. However, like the changes made from the Biblical account in earlier verses, a slight edit changes the entire story. A sinful human like the rest of us is transformed into a sinless paragon suitable for identification and capable of intercession.
Remember that Islam, unlike Christianity, is a ‘new revelation’ religion. The New Testament completes and explains the Old Testament, but it does not rewrite. The system of atonement for sin and the need for a Savior runs throughout the entirety of both Scriptures. However, Mohammed’s visions, to the Muslim, represent new revelation that overrides and corrects the old. So if the Bible says that God told Moses to speak to the rock and the Koran says that Allah told Moses to strike the rock, for the Muslims, the ‘newer revelation’ takes precedence. In that way, revisionist history is justified in order to protect a claim not defensible through the Old Testament that Jews, Christians, and Muslims all claim to hold in common.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Discipline without discipline
I've been talking a bit about spanking children, and gathering a bit of interest, granted mostly from someone who would like me to change my ways by not neglecting my child so that he doesn't act out. That brought to mind a few of the things I do to avoid my child's acting out, and I thought some of these things may be of interest to other parents. Probably a lot of you do this already, but maybe something will be news for someone.
Diet
The easiest way I prevent bad behavior is by watching what I get at the grocery store. I avoid food with additives whenever I can. Most importantly, I don't buy any juice or 'juice drink' that isn't 100% nothing-added juice. I look at the ingredients listing. A juice container may list juices from concentrate and pure water, or just the juices themselves. I also allow for added ascorbic acid (Vitamin C). That's it. No high fructose corn syrup, and no food coloring at all.
It's really amazing what added sugars and food coloring will do to an active little boy. I'll let him have a small glass of soda at family gatherings, and just let him bounce around with his cousins in my grandmother's huge yard until it wears off.
Exercise
Just about a hundred years ago and less, kids got a lot more physical activity than they do in modern culture, and it did them good. My son has an abundance of energy. This one isn't easy for me, since I have a few physical ailments that sap my energy level. But if you can walk while he runs circles around you, so much the better! I plan exercise opportunities and opportunities for him to play with other kids so that they can all get their energy out together!
This is one of the big reasons why I'm homeschooling him. So often children in public schools have to spend most of the day sitting still as the teacher tries to keep order enough to teach them something, and then spend much of the evening doing the homework that the teacher couldn't get them to do during classtime. My kid has his learning concentrated in periods between run-around time, and it makes him a lot more willing to learn.
Exhaustion Level
Ever had a normally sweet kid suddenly turn into a tiger? Before you automatically think he's turned into Mr. Hyde, check the clock and think about his day. Any kid (and adult!) will be grumpy when he's overstimulated and/or exhausted. If he acts up even though he's been eating like a horse and wrestling like a bear, he's probably tired as a dog. If my kid screams "No!" and cries buckets of tears over nothing, I just give him a hug and put him down for a nap (or to sleep for the night).
When mine was a baby, he would reach a point where the world was just too much for him and he couldn't keep control of himself. Simply holding him would do no good, because to an overstimulated child, your intense presence is nearly painful! So I would check his diaper and consider when he was last fed to eliminate those possibilities, try cuddling to see if that would help, and then simply put him down in his crib without turning any distraction devices on and walk away. I'd set the timer. Guaranteed, within three to five minutes of having his world reduced to four cushioned walls and utter silence, he'd straighten right out and be an angel for the rest of the day.
When dealing with babies, of course, this depends on age. Very young infants are not likely to have this kind of problem. You may also want to check his gumline to see if he's just teething. There were many times when a small packet of children's orajel did more than anything else in the world.
If my kid starts acting up at a party, I ask myself how long we've been there and consider taking him home to rest. If this happens and you don't want to leave yet, I'd suggest putting your kid in your lap and letting him/her listen to the soothing cadence of your voice and get some downtime for a while. Chances are your kid will pick up a 'second wind' and head off after a while for some more play.
Responsibility
Though I left this one for last, I don't mean to understate it's importance. A lot of times a child will act up because he simply doesn't know what to do with himself. When my son got too big to sit in the shopping cart, he threw seven kinds of fits until I made a new role for him. Now he pushes the cart.
He is all of five years old, but he's got heft to him and he can actually provide the majority of the propulsion even when the cart is very full! I let him do it himself if the aisles are wide and empty. Otherwise, I'll keep a touch on the leading edge of the cart to help guide it and prevent it from crashing. I gently correct his 'driving'. "Careful around this corner. Stop stop! You almost hit that lady.. be careful! You're doing so well!" My shopping-tantrum problems vanished.
Go ahead and push a little where chores and jobs are concerned. Don't complain about his inability to do something unless you're absolutely sure your kid is slacking off. Try him on things you don't think he can do. You might be surprised! If he can't do it, go ahead and make his way a bit easier. Don't be ridiculous, of course. A five-year-old has no call, say, changing a diaper. But mine can clear the table (and will come asking me for my dish when I'm done!), start the dishwasher, maneuver the shopping cart (with a bit of help), and clean his own room. Start your kid on simple responsibility as early as you can, while keeping it gentle. I don't punish my five-year-old for not doing his chores, but there are privileges (like watching TV or playing with certain toys) that he must earn by doing.
Diet
The easiest way I prevent bad behavior is by watching what I get at the grocery store. I avoid food with additives whenever I can. Most importantly, I don't buy any juice or 'juice drink' that isn't 100% nothing-added juice. I look at the ingredients listing. A juice container may list juices from concentrate and pure water, or just the juices themselves. I also allow for added ascorbic acid (Vitamin C). That's it. No high fructose corn syrup, and no food coloring at all.
It's really amazing what added sugars and food coloring will do to an active little boy. I'll let him have a small glass of soda at family gatherings, and just let him bounce around with his cousins in my grandmother's huge yard until it wears off.
Exercise
Just about a hundred years ago and less, kids got a lot more physical activity than they do in modern culture, and it did them good. My son has an abundance of energy. This one isn't easy for me, since I have a few physical ailments that sap my energy level. But if you can walk while he runs circles around you, so much the better! I plan exercise opportunities and opportunities for him to play with other kids so that they can all get their energy out together!
This is one of the big reasons why I'm homeschooling him. So often children in public schools have to spend most of the day sitting still as the teacher tries to keep order enough to teach them something, and then spend much of the evening doing the homework that the teacher couldn't get them to do during classtime. My kid has his learning concentrated in periods between run-around time, and it makes him a lot more willing to learn.
Exhaustion Level
Ever had a normally sweet kid suddenly turn into a tiger? Before you automatically think he's turned into Mr. Hyde, check the clock and think about his day. Any kid (and adult!) will be grumpy when he's overstimulated and/or exhausted. If he acts up even though he's been eating like a horse and wrestling like a bear, he's probably tired as a dog. If my kid screams "No!" and cries buckets of tears over nothing, I just give him a hug and put him down for a nap (or to sleep for the night).
When mine was a baby, he would reach a point where the world was just too much for him and he couldn't keep control of himself. Simply holding him would do no good, because to an overstimulated child, your intense presence is nearly painful! So I would check his diaper and consider when he was last fed to eliminate those possibilities, try cuddling to see if that would help, and then simply put him down in his crib without turning any distraction devices on and walk away. I'd set the timer. Guaranteed, within three to five minutes of having his world reduced to four cushioned walls and utter silence, he'd straighten right out and be an angel for the rest of the day.
When dealing with babies, of course, this depends on age. Very young infants are not likely to have this kind of problem. You may also want to check his gumline to see if he's just teething. There were many times when a small packet of children's orajel did more than anything else in the world.
If my kid starts acting up at a party, I ask myself how long we've been there and consider taking him home to rest. If this happens and you don't want to leave yet, I'd suggest putting your kid in your lap and letting him/her listen to the soothing cadence of your voice and get some downtime for a while. Chances are your kid will pick up a 'second wind' and head off after a while for some more play.
Responsibility
Though I left this one for last, I don't mean to understate it's importance. A lot of times a child will act up because he simply doesn't know what to do with himself. When my son got too big to sit in the shopping cart, he threw seven kinds of fits until I made a new role for him. Now he pushes the cart.
He is all of five years old, but he's got heft to him and he can actually provide the majority of the propulsion even when the cart is very full! I let him do it himself if the aisles are wide and empty. Otherwise, I'll keep a touch on the leading edge of the cart to help guide it and prevent it from crashing. I gently correct his 'driving'. "Careful around this corner. Stop stop! You almost hit that lady.. be careful! You're doing so well!" My shopping-tantrum problems vanished.
Go ahead and push a little where chores and jobs are concerned. Don't complain about his inability to do something unless you're absolutely sure your kid is slacking off. Try him on things you don't think he can do. You might be surprised! If he can't do it, go ahead and make his way a bit easier. Don't be ridiculous, of course. A five-year-old has no call, say, changing a diaper. But mine can clear the table (and will come asking me for my dish when I'm done!), start the dishwasher, maneuver the shopping cart (with a bit of help), and clean his own room. Start your kid on simple responsibility as early as you can, while keeping it gentle. I don't punish my five-year-old for not doing his chores, but there are privileges (like watching TV or playing with certain toys) that he must earn by doing.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The true reason for 'equal representation'
Now some of you may read that title and instantly think that I'm going to talk about racism or sexism. Actually, I am not. I am going to talk about the push to have children see an equal number of storybooks in which Prince marries Prince, in which Princess remains single, or in which any other sort of non-standard romantic/sexual relationship or family ensues. There are generally two groups who are letting this in: the group that is pushing for it and the group who figures it's only fair to accommodate them. I am going to be speaking of the first group, a much smaller set, who are pushing for much more than is immediately apparent. They would prefer to completely remove the depiction of heterosexual married couples and parents, and they have a very important reason for it.
Numerous studies show what is already self-evident to many of us. Children do best in every part of their life with a mother and a father married to each other. You can take some cherry-picked examples of the best non-traditional families stacked up against the worst of the abusers in traditional families, but when given a fair shake, non-traditional families fail to measure up.
You see, I read an article some time ago about 'failure of feminism', written by someone on the hardcore side of feminism about the increasing numbers of upper-class women deciding to become full-time homemakers. A paragraph in that article clued me in.
Kids want a mom and dad. Kids want their mom and dad to be married. Consider the theme in movies and books prior to this present day. Consider an old Disney movie called 'Parent Trap'. When people write books and movies to mirror real life rather than to set an agenda, you see child after child in one of these non-traditional families wishing they were in a traditional one. However, traditional families are not formed by the guiding principle of groups seeking to push non-traditional depictions for children, and that is the principle of sexual freedom.
See the correlation? People who believe that women should not be homemakers seek to hide from women the choice of a meaningful, politics-free solution to their desires, because that will work against the principle of feminist 'liberation'. People who believe in sexual freedom will seek to hide from children the ideal of a traditional family, because as long as they know it is possible they will wish it for themselves and do their best to implement it for their children. The key here is to think, "We want them to do it our way, so we must not let them know that a better way exists."
Of course, the hardline feminists and 'sexual freedom' advocates aren't exactly thinking "a better way exists." At least, that's not what they say. Generally it's that a "way exists that seems better to the unenlightened masses." They're the intelligent ones, the thinking people, the educated elite. (The fact that they have been steeped in four to eight or more years of heavy propaganda in liberal extremist colleges means that they must be 'critical thinkers' for following the liberal extremist viewpoint to a T.)
Eliminating mention of the traditional family will not actually improve the fortunes of non-traditional families. It will simply give the impression that such fortunes are improved, the same way that you may think 25mpg is excellent for a car when you do not know of the 50mpg European minis, or you may think malnutrition is normal if you simply never see the fortitude of a man well-fed.
Note again that I am not speaking of everyone who favors letting children in school know that some children don't have fathers or mothers, that some live with their grandparents, etc. I personally favor this. It includes children from non-traditional families and prepares children from traditional families for dealing with them without meanness. Neither do I intend to bash people who are in non-traditional families and doing their best. A lot of single parents agonize over whether their struggle is going to hurt their children, and I don't mean to add to that. My problem here is with those who would try to hide from us the better choice, the choice that we tend to prefer, that we tend to feel deep inside is the right one, in order to glorify their favorite alternatives.
Numerous studies show what is already self-evident to many of us. Children do best in every part of their life with a mother and a father married to each other. You can take some cherry-picked examples of the best non-traditional families stacked up against the worst of the abusers in traditional families, but when given a fair shake, non-traditional families fail to measure up.
You see, I read an article some time ago about 'failure of feminism', written by someone on the hardcore side of feminism about the increasing numbers of upper-class women deciding to become full-time homemakers. A paragraph in that article clued me in.
By contrast, a common thread among the women I interviewed was a self-important idealism about the kinds of intellectual, prestigious, socially meaningful, politics-free jobs worth their incalculably valuable presence. So the second rule is that women must treat the first few years after college as an opportunity to lose their capitalism virginity and prepare for good work, which they will then treat seriously. - http://www.alternet.org/story/28621?page=4Notice what this means. Women are finding intellectual, prestigious, socially meaningful, politics-free jobs worth their incalculably valuable presence as homemakers. Therefore, to prevent them from being homemakers, we must teach them that they must set this ideal aside and prepare themselves for the jobs that will not make them as happy. You must keep them from knowing that a better way exists, or they will take it, and feminists' goal of 'liberating' women from their preferred sphere of influence will never happen.
Kids want a mom and dad. Kids want their mom and dad to be married. Consider the theme in movies and books prior to this present day. Consider an old Disney movie called 'Parent Trap'. When people write books and movies to mirror real life rather than to set an agenda, you see child after child in one of these non-traditional families wishing they were in a traditional one. However, traditional families are not formed by the guiding principle of groups seeking to push non-traditional depictions for children, and that is the principle of sexual freedom.
See the correlation? People who believe that women should not be homemakers seek to hide from women the choice of a meaningful, politics-free solution to their desires, because that will work against the principle of feminist 'liberation'. People who believe in sexual freedom will seek to hide from children the ideal of a traditional family, because as long as they know it is possible they will wish it for themselves and do their best to implement it for their children. The key here is to think, "We want them to do it our way, so we must not let them know that a better way exists."
Of course, the hardline feminists and 'sexual freedom' advocates aren't exactly thinking "a better way exists." At least, that's not what they say. Generally it's that a "way exists that seems better to the unenlightened masses." They're the intelligent ones, the thinking people, the educated elite. (The fact that they have been steeped in four to eight or more years of heavy propaganda in liberal extremist colleges means that they must be 'critical thinkers' for following the liberal extremist viewpoint to a T.)
Eliminating mention of the traditional family will not actually improve the fortunes of non-traditional families. It will simply give the impression that such fortunes are improved, the same way that you may think 25mpg is excellent for a car when you do not know of the 50mpg European minis, or you may think malnutrition is normal if you simply never see the fortitude of a man well-fed.
Note again that I am not speaking of everyone who favors letting children in school know that some children don't have fathers or mothers, that some live with their grandparents, etc. I personally favor this. It includes children from non-traditional families and prepares children from traditional families for dealing with them without meanness. Neither do I intend to bash people who are in non-traditional families and doing their best. A lot of single parents agonize over whether their struggle is going to hurt their children, and I don't mean to add to that. My problem here is with those who would try to hide from us the better choice, the choice that we tend to prefer, that we tend to feel deep inside is the right one, in order to glorify their favorite alternatives.
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