I saw a lovely post up yesterday talking about how homeschooling is growing sharply in popularity. Of course, I, like many homeschooling parents, cheered at the news. We firmly believe in what we're doing, and it's good to see more people swelling our ranks; if nothing else, there is safety in numbers, and there are still people who want to prohibit us from making this choice.
This morning, however, I saw a comment on that post, something that I suppose I could have seen coming, because it seems to happen at least once in every single conversation about homeschooling that is thrown out where the public can see it.
"Well, homeschooling isn't the best for everybody. Some kids do better in public school, and some kids do better in private school."
Of course.
If you take the absolute worst that homeschooling has to offer and compare it to the absolute best public school ever, no doubt the public school education will be superior.
I am getting so tired of lifestyle/moral equivalency. You can't say that homeschool is simply better than public school. If you do, you're judging, on a personal level, every single person who has ever been public schooled as 'inferior'. If you truly aren't, they will all believe that you are, and treat you as if you are. People are so quick to judge other people. We are all sinners. We all have inferiority complexes. Those of us who can't accept that have to try to make ourselves out to be 'righteous' by proving ourselves to be more 'righteous' than other people. Then comes the attempt to make yourself better than others by proving that you are "less judgmental" than others. It's hard, though, to not be judgmental, when you aren't allowed to view yourself as a sinner who is not really any better than anybody else.
So instead you take the easy way out. If all choices are equally good, then you don't have to try to view someone whom you think is making worse choices as if they are, nevertheless, no less perfect than you are. Or perhaps you think that, if they judge your choices and you "don't judge theirs", that makes you better than them. I'm not 100% sure what's going through these people's heads. All I know is that they have decided that the only way for them to show moral superiority is to show moral equivalency, because it never occurred to them (or they simply could not accept it) to view themselves and everyone else as sinners in need of a Savior. Their righteousness is not in Christ, so they need to find it elsewhere.
Meanwhile, this hurts every single person who is honestly, humbly, willingly trying to learn the best way forward. Young men and women beg for sexual advice, only to be told, "Well, ya know, maybe it's wrong to sleep with him, but maybe it's not. It's up to you, I guess. Do what'll make you happy." And if the young person points out in exasperation that he or she doesn't know what will make him or her happy, the best these people can do is to kind of vaguely repeat their useless advice.
So let me be the one to tell it straight.
Homeschool is better than public school.
Also, a home-prepared lunch is healthier than McDonalds, breastfeeding is better than bottlefeeding, your clothing will fit better and last longer if you make it yourself (or, at least, don't buy it from a cheapy place like Walmart), a small sedan will put out less pollution than a minivan, and you really ought to use those wipes on your hands and the handle of the shopping cart before you go in.
Guess what.
I will pull on an old t-shirt and pair of jeans from Walmart, herd my kids into the minivan, head off to a homeschool field trip without once using wipes, and pick up McDonalds on the road.
What we need to do is to focus, not on pretending that all options are 'equal', but on not judging each other. After all, life isn't about doing everything 'right'. We can't, even if we want to. It isn't about doing everything 'the best way'. If you make that your goal, you will be so stressed out that your health will fail far faster than if you eat a McDouble once every few weeks, or even *gasp* carry about twenty pounds more after having your children than you did when you got married.
Life is about growing, about loving and taking care of each other, about learning to change our priorities, about understanding that "superiority" and "inferiority" mean nothing next to Christ's sacrifice and love for us. I know that's hard for non-Christians to take in, but I hope for your sake that your worldview can come up with something close enough to follow my example here. She who is without sin can throw the first stone. By all means, stand there and state clearly that homeschooling is better than public school. But don't stand there in Walmart jeans with your kid eating a Happy Meal in your minivan (or even eating whole wheat sandwiches in your minivan) and say that the public schooling parent is not as good a parent as you are.
And if someone asks you which is better, breast or bottle, you can say 'breast' without going crazy trying to prop up the ego of every single woman who didn't take that path. But if you know a woman with an infant who is bottle-feeding, you go over there with a good meal, send her to bed, clean up her kitchen, and prepare that bottle so that she can actually rest for more than two hours.
It's much harder to learn how to not judge a person when you are willing to accept that not all choices are equally good.
But it's much, much more rewarding.
Showing posts with label homeschooling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homeschooling. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Spontaneous Storytelling for Morality
This morning, I looked around at the general mess left from yesterday's birthday party. I started loading dishes into the dish drainer as my eldest finished his breakfast. Then I told him to clean up the dining and living room.
Cue the angst. "But I just did it yesterday!"
"Does it look clean?"
"Nooooo! But that's because it got so messy so quickly!"
"It needs to be done, then."
"It's going to take me all day! It'll take five hours!"
"Then perhaps you need practice. I should have you do it every day."
"Then I'll never get any schoolwork done at all, because I won't have time!"
I'll spare you the rest. It went on for a while, and got ridiculous. Yes, more ridiculous than the notion that picking up toys and carrying dishes to the sink will take up five hours of every day, and taking up five hours of a day at any activity will prevent him from having the time to finish a curriculum that typically takes him 4-6 hours depending on the day, including breaks and food. (With a recent average of two, since we are close to the end of his year and half of his books are finished.) Anyways...
Improvisational storytelling in such situations comes to me so easily that I used to assume that every mother gained it as a natural skill, like the ability to change a diaper and remember what your five-year-old had for lunch. Since then, I have heard from people who tell me that my gift is not all that common. If it is inherited, I definitely inherited it from my mother, who does it all the time. On my father's side, my semi-famous great-uncle poet credited his mother's ability to invent songs and rhymes on the fly while cleaning the house, and engaging her children in the process as if they were playing a game. (They didn't exactly have television, or radio, or electricity, in the late 1800's Ukrainian slums.)
The skill is definitely strong in my line.
"Do you know what comes of this? Do you? The way you treat your mother is the way you will treat your wife. Oh yes, it's true. The way you treat your mother and your sisters, growing up, is the way you will treat your wife. Do you know what will happen? Let me tell you.
"At first she'll ask for your help when the house needs to be cleaned after a party, or when the kids are acting up and she can't keep ahead of her chores. You'll whine and complain just like you're doing here, try to blame everything on her..." I approximated (and may have exaggerated) the whine in his voice. "'Oh I won't have time for my job if I do that, and then I'll lose my job, and we won't have any money anymore!' So she'll ask at first, but she'll get tired of your emotional abuse, and she'll stop asking. She'll do everything herself. She'll be afraid to seek help from you.
"Guess what happens next. She burns out. She gets burned out, so exhausted she can't think, just working and working all the time, doing her chores and yours. And then do you know what she'll do? She'll divorce you." This produced a moment of silence, which I allowed to cultivate for a moment before picking up my narrative. "She'll divorce you for neglect, and for emotional abuse. And do you know what she'll say when she exits the courthouse after signing the divorce papers? She'll say..." Here I paused and changed my expression (and tone) from dramatic to a mixture of relief and slight disbelief. "'I don't have to wash his socks anymore. I don't have to take out his garbage anymore." The relief gives way to excitement. "I'm going to go out and see a movie tonight! I haven't gone out to a movie in ten years!"
Back to lecture mode. "How would you feel if your wife divorced you and then said that? You wouldn't like that, would you? Who do you think washes Daddy's socks? I do. And you know what? I don't mind doing it! Do you know why? It's because when I have a house to clean, or a party to set up, or misbehaving kids, I know he's got my back. You want to be like Daddy. He's a hard worker, and he cares for us. He might grumble a little when he has to take out the garbage, but he does not gripe at me, and he does not blame me. He does not say, 'I bet you fill it up so fast just to give me more work to do!'" Here, of course, I had cut in the kid-whiny tone again.
"So I'm going to make sure you learn. You're going to learn how to clean, and how to do it without complaining. I'm doing this for the sake of your wife, so that she will never have to go through what you put me through this morning. Do you understand?"
A mumbled yes. This is actually the first full vocalization from him, since all of my repeated questions have not incorporated any answer-me pauses, implicit or explicit.
"Good. Now clean the living room and dining room."
Cue the angst. "But I just did it yesterday!"
"Does it look clean?"
"Nooooo! But that's because it got so messy so quickly!"
"It needs to be done, then."
"It's going to take me all day! It'll take five hours!"
"Then perhaps you need practice. I should have you do it every day."
"Then I'll never get any schoolwork done at all, because I won't have time!"
I'll spare you the rest. It went on for a while, and got ridiculous. Yes, more ridiculous than the notion that picking up toys and carrying dishes to the sink will take up five hours of every day, and taking up five hours of a day at any activity will prevent him from having the time to finish a curriculum that typically takes him 4-6 hours depending on the day, including breaks and food. (With a recent average of two, since we are close to the end of his year and half of his books are finished.) Anyways...
Improvisational storytelling in such situations comes to me so easily that I used to assume that every mother gained it as a natural skill, like the ability to change a diaper and remember what your five-year-old had for lunch. Since then, I have heard from people who tell me that my gift is not all that common. If it is inherited, I definitely inherited it from my mother, who does it all the time. On my father's side, my semi-famous great-uncle poet credited his mother's ability to invent songs and rhymes on the fly while cleaning the house, and engaging her children in the process as if they were playing a game. (They didn't exactly have television, or radio, or electricity, in the late 1800's Ukrainian slums.)
The skill is definitely strong in my line.
"Do you know what comes of this? Do you? The way you treat your mother is the way you will treat your wife. Oh yes, it's true. The way you treat your mother and your sisters, growing up, is the way you will treat your wife. Do you know what will happen? Let me tell you.
"At first she'll ask for your help when the house needs to be cleaned after a party, or when the kids are acting up and she can't keep ahead of her chores. You'll whine and complain just like you're doing here, try to blame everything on her..." I approximated (and may have exaggerated) the whine in his voice. "'Oh I won't have time for my job if I do that, and then I'll lose my job, and we won't have any money anymore!' So she'll ask at first, but she'll get tired of your emotional abuse, and she'll stop asking. She'll do everything herself. She'll be afraid to seek help from you.
"Guess what happens next. She burns out. She gets burned out, so exhausted she can't think, just working and working all the time, doing her chores and yours. And then do you know what she'll do? She'll divorce you." This produced a moment of silence, which I allowed to cultivate for a moment before picking up my narrative. "She'll divorce you for neglect, and for emotional abuse. And do you know what she'll say when she exits the courthouse after signing the divorce papers? She'll say..." Here I paused and changed my expression (and tone) from dramatic to a mixture of relief and slight disbelief. "'I don't have to wash his socks anymore. I don't have to take out his garbage anymore." The relief gives way to excitement. "I'm going to go out and see a movie tonight! I haven't gone out to a movie in ten years!"
Back to lecture mode. "How would you feel if your wife divorced you and then said that? You wouldn't like that, would you? Who do you think washes Daddy's socks? I do. And you know what? I don't mind doing it! Do you know why? It's because when I have a house to clean, or a party to set up, or misbehaving kids, I know he's got my back. You want to be like Daddy. He's a hard worker, and he cares for us. He might grumble a little when he has to take out the garbage, but he does not gripe at me, and he does not blame me. He does not say, 'I bet you fill it up so fast just to give me more work to do!'" Here, of course, I had cut in the kid-whiny tone again.
"So I'm going to make sure you learn. You're going to learn how to clean, and how to do it without complaining. I'm doing this for the sake of your wife, so that she will never have to go through what you put me through this morning. Do you understand?"
A mumbled yes. This is actually the first full vocalization from him, since all of my repeated questions have not incorporated any answer-me pauses, implicit or explicit.
"Good. Now clean the living room and dining room."
Monday, January 3, 2011
Homeschooling Schedules
Today my son starts back up from Christmas holiday. I homeschool him, and I built a two-week vacation into the middle of the year. I warned him yesterday. "I want you up, dressed, your bed made, and your breakfast eaten. I want you to present yourself with your pencil by 9am."
But isn't the point of homeschooling to have no schedule? To be able to do your spelling in your pajamas, to be able to work from 6am to 10am or from 2pm to 8pm if you prefer?
Well, that depends. If you have a child who is creative and independent and prefers to work on an odd schedule, then yes, by all means you can switch it up. Also, on some days, it is nice to know that you can relax as you work and you don't need to go through the hustle and bustle of other households in the morning. Many homeschooling households don't do this, however, mainly because they are trying to raise children who will be able to be up and ready to work by a certain hour.
(Some people talk as if the only reason why you would homeschool is for the benefits that you only find in homeschooling. The first and foremost thing they can think of is the schedule. Those who homeschool come to believe that they are giving their children a better education than they could find in public school, even if they ring bells to change classes. That one-on-one attention (or one-to-three, or one-to-five, depending on the number of students) just can't be equaled.)
Now what about the kids who don't keep a homeschooling schedule? Are they setting themselves up for failure, when they first try to work in the 'real world'? Not at all. The Work Schedule is a fairly artificial construct. Although many jobs require it, many more don't. The homeschool parent will want to make sure his child is capable of sticking to a schedule if necessary, but if his talents and interests are carrying him towards an on-call job, why force him to accustom his body to a hard schedule?
But isn't the point of homeschooling to have no schedule? To be able to do your spelling in your pajamas, to be able to work from 6am to 10am or from 2pm to 8pm if you prefer?
Well, that depends. If you have a child who is creative and independent and prefers to work on an odd schedule, then yes, by all means you can switch it up. Also, on some days, it is nice to know that you can relax as you work and you don't need to go through the hustle and bustle of other households in the morning. Many homeschooling households don't do this, however, mainly because they are trying to raise children who will be able to be up and ready to work by a certain hour.
(Some people talk as if the only reason why you would homeschool is for the benefits that you only find in homeschooling. The first and foremost thing they can think of is the schedule. Those who homeschool come to believe that they are giving their children a better education than they could find in public school, even if they ring bells to change classes. That one-on-one attention (or one-to-three, or one-to-five, depending on the number of students) just can't be equaled.)
Now what about the kids who don't keep a homeschooling schedule? Are they setting themselves up for failure, when they first try to work in the 'real world'? Not at all. The Work Schedule is a fairly artificial construct. Although many jobs require it, many more don't. The homeschool parent will want to make sure his child is capable of sticking to a schedule if necessary, but if his talents and interests are carrying him towards an on-call job, why force him to accustom his body to a hard schedule?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sesame Street Classics!
This is for the sake of my little daughter, Tricia, who has come to absolutely adore these videos. Just favoriting them on Youtube would be a pain, because they'd be entirely out of order, and I'm tired of having to search them each time I want to play them... which is nearly daily! So without further ado, I display for you the Sesame Street Pinball Machine numbers 2-12!
Isn't that supposed to be 1-12? Haven't found #1 yet.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
When the doctor is wrong
Most mothers of young children will run across this problem at one time or another. It seems that the standard pediatrician office, even the excellent one, still may be behind the times in dealing with child-rearing. Their advice is unlikely to hurt your child, but you still may end up reading the newer publications and gaining quite a different opinion from theirs. What do you do then?
I ran across this problem just a few days ago. My daughter had her nine-month appointment, and they checked her weight and height. Her height was fine by their standards, lying right along the same point in the growth curve as her last appointments. Her weight, however, had barely moved. She had not lost any weight, but she did not gain enough to maintain her point on the curve, or even the point below it.
"We're not concerned yet," the pediatrician told me. "But I would like for you to push solids four or five times daily. Sit her down in her chair and feed her all she'll take. I'm an advocate of breastfeeding, and I breastfed my own children, the last one for two and a half years. But sometimes they just need that extra help. Besides, they say that you need to introduce solids during this time period or the child may become resistant to them."
Fair enough, I suppose. So I took her home and gave it a try.
My first problem was that my baby is not interested in solids. Oh, she loves to eat from a spoon, but she'll only consume an ounce or two before losing interest. To put this into perspective, the baby food jars labeled for her age are six ounce containers. Then, despite having eaten only one ounce of food, she will skip half a nursing session. That means that she loses probably about four ounces of breastmilk for one or two ounces of solids. The calorie count of solids runs from seven calories per ounce for vegetables like carrots or green beans to eighteen calories per ounce for a banana and cereal mixture. The average calorie count for breastmilk is twenty calories per ounce. So this effort is not likely to help her gain any extra weight.
I suppose that many doctors assume that low weight gain after six months on mostly breastmilk is a case of low milk output from the mother, and we will be able to add solids without reducing the amount of nursing sessions. This is not the case for my baby. I'm an overproducer, and she just isn't hungry.
My mother assured me that I underwent the exact same weight change at the exact same age. I told her the doctor's recommendations, and she told me that her doctor had made the exact same recommendation... thirty years ago! She had obediently pushed solids. "Did it work?" I asked. "Did I gain the way they wanted to see?" No, I hadn't, but introducing more solids into my diet hadn't seemed to hurt, either.
This is not the case for my baby, which brings me to the second problem with following the pediatrician's advice. From her earliest days, my baby has been strongly prone to intestinal trouble. Every feeding results in gassiness, and she used to have frequent episodes of reflux. These episodes died down over the past month or two, and I was hoping that the trouble was behind her. Every time I feed her, I sit with her for a while afterwards and help her work the worst of the bubbles out of her body.
Now I'd like to take this moment to clarify that I have not actually refused to start her on solids. In the morning, either I or my mother (if I am working) tries her on a basic, First-Foods item. She'll eat an ounce of it, or, some days, two ounces. It causes her a little bit of intestinal discomfort at times, but not too much. Then, in the late afternoon, she often gets fussy and wants frequent feedings while I'm trying to get supper on the table. I sit her in her chair and give her a handful of Cheerios. She eats most of them, and I get a break to cook and eat!
I took her home from the doctor's office and started her immediately on the solids regimen. On the first day, she ate pretty well, and I thought that this was surely the right thing to do! But on the second day, her appetite had fallen off significantly, and by the third she was in agony for most of the day with stomach trouble and constipation. On the fourth day, she ate very little and then threw up in the evening...
What do you do when the doctor is wrong?
I had a long talk with my mother and with the lactation consultant, and they both told me the same thing I had already guessed in my own heart. This baby is not like the typical bottle-fed baby not moving to the next step quickly enough. This baby is a different case. It's in her genetics to slow her weight gain at this juncture. Her ribs do not show, she has little fat folds on her legs, and she sleeps through the night. She is a very happy, active, healthy baby when she is not having severe intestinal pain. I have been reading about some babies whose intestinal tract mature more slowly than others. Some of them need to be nearly exclusively breastfed for two or three years as they are very slowly transitioned to other foods. Nearly all of them have shed the majority of their difficulties by age six.
Therefore, I am going on record to say that I will not be following my pediatrician's advice. I am going to return to her previous schedule, with a mashed food introduced in the morning and Cheerios (or bread) given in the evening, and I am going to keep breastfeeding her as much as she'll take. Now for the concern... am I going to get into trouble?
In this country, there seems to be a movement towards further government interference in the health of the population, which often translates to further government interference in the raising of young children. Already, doctors can label a child with the dreaded FTT (Failure To Thrive), and that diagnosis can cause a good parent all sorts of trouble if that good parent would rather follow the guidelines of the World Health Organization instead of the conventional wisdom of thirty years ago. Some pediatricians are more proactive than others and will put you in contact with the dreaded Social Services... simply over their disagreement with your method of parenting.
Some pediatrician groups are convinced that they know what's best for your child and you do not. These are the ones who groan when they find out that one or more of your children are homeschooled, because that immediately puts you into a different group entirely, an independent-thinking, intelligent woman who is not likely to follow their advice to the letter if she disagrees with it. Admittedly, sometimes they have cause for concern. At times like this, however, it may simply mean that they become frustrated with the mother's refusal to fit like a cog into the Great Machine.
Now I may be maligning my own pediatric group, so let me state that they have typically taken the individual approach much more kindly than most. I do not foresee being sent to Social Services over the amount of green beans that my baby may not be consuming instead of breastmilk. Still, I find myself making my decision and then preparing for my next appointment as if for battle, to fight for my right to care for this baby in the way I feel best.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The President circumvents parental authority?
On September 8th, President Obama is planning to address schools across our nation.
Now we don't know what he's going to say yet, and having the President talk to kids is not necessarily an evil thing. It's good to teach children about our country and its political process. When I was young, I wrote a letter to President Reagan. I got a lovely little courtesy book with full-color pictures of the White House most famous rooms. I have it to this day.
However, we do not know what this community organizer plans to say to our children. There is no copy circulating of the speech that I can find. The one document I was able to find, a teaching guide for the event, did not inspire confidence that this would be a simple, friendly hello. The guide can be found here.
For those of you who don't want to read it, these are the parts that trouble me:
Some people might say, "What's the big deal? So the kids have to sit through this speech. They'll probably be bored. They'll have forgotten it by tomorrow. Just let it happen and let it fade away." Unfortunately, the teacher's guide includes a followup:
This is no longer about a student sitting through a speech and then going home. It's about peer pressure and adult pressure for a student to do what the President has asked them to do. This is serious business, whether you approve of Mr. President or not. We do not live in an authoritarian society, and our elected leaders of the country should not be directly interfering with our children's lives in this fashion.
Quite simply, this is wrong.
I personally have no worries about this event for my family. My son is homeschooled and my daughter is too young to understand speeches. Still, I would like to encourage parents of public school students to keep their children home on September 8th. If enough people do so, perhaps we can send a message.
Now let me put in my "usual disclaimer". Suppose the President merely wants to ask the students to be more charitable? To help others? Isn't this a good thing? Don't we want our children to help others? Yes, we do! We definitely do, and I entirely agree with the goal in mind. What I disagree with strongly is its implementation. Children should be charitable because their parents and community teaches them to be. Charting progress toward charity goals should be done at home, or perhaps in Sunday School. Children should not learn the lesson that they must do whatever their President requests of them. That is the road, not to genuine charity, but to tyranny and despotism.
Now we don't know what he's going to say yet, and having the President talk to kids is not necessarily an evil thing. It's good to teach children about our country and its political process. When I was young, I wrote a letter to President Reagan. I got a lovely little courtesy book with full-color pictures of the White House most famous rooms. I have it to this day.
However, we do not know what this community organizer plans to say to our children. There is no copy circulating of the speech that I can find. The one document I was able to find, a teaching guide for the event, did not inspire confidence that this would be a simple, friendly hello. The guide can be found here.
For those of you who don't want to read it, these are the parts that trouble me:
Before the speech, third point: Why is it important that we listen to the President and other elected officials, like the mayor, senators, members of congress, or the governor? Why is what they say important?Indeed, why is what they say important? In this country, the government is created for the people and by the people. Of course it's important to listen to what they have to say. But why is that? Do you think that the teachers will encourage students to answer that they should become involved in the political process so that they can do their best to intelligently evaluate the truthfulness of their President's speeches and speak out against them if he is wrong?
During the speech, second point: Students can record important parts of the speech where the President is asking them to do something. Students might think about: What specific job is he asking me to do? Is he asking anything of anyone else? Teachers? Principals? Parents? The American people?This troubles me, because it is basically evidence that, when our President speaks to our children outside of our presence, he will be asking them to do something. What sort of thing will he ask them to do? What was the last thing he asked people to do? The last thing he asked people to do was to go to town hall meetings specifically to shut up the people who disagreed with his nationalized health care plan.
Some people might say, "What's the big deal? So the kids have to sit through this speech. They'll probably be bored. They'll have forgotten it by tomorrow. Just let it happen and let it fade away." Unfortunately, the teacher's guide includes a followup:
Extension of the speech, second point: Write letters to themselves about what they can do to help the president. These would be collected and redistributed at an appropriate later date by the teacher to make students accountable to their goals.Everyone should find this troubling. The President is encouraging children to work for him directly, and encouraging teachers to put a system into place by which children are made accountable for their goals. I would like to point out that in our system of government, children are traditionally considered too young to enter into contracts and have them enforced. There is a reason why, for instance, there are minimum ages on marriage and on entering the Armed Forces. Further points on the same section encourage teachers to set up school-wide incentive programs for students who reach their goals and graph student progress toward these goals.
This is no longer about a student sitting through a speech and then going home. It's about peer pressure and adult pressure for a student to do what the President has asked them to do. This is serious business, whether you approve of Mr. President or not. We do not live in an authoritarian society, and our elected leaders of the country should not be directly interfering with our children's lives in this fashion.
Quite simply, this is wrong.
I personally have no worries about this event for my family. My son is homeschooled and my daughter is too young to understand speeches. Still, I would like to encourage parents of public school students to keep their children home on September 8th. If enough people do so, perhaps we can send a message.
Now let me put in my "usual disclaimer". Suppose the President merely wants to ask the students to be more charitable? To help others? Isn't this a good thing? Don't we want our children to help others? Yes, we do! We definitely do, and I entirely agree with the goal in mind. What I disagree with strongly is its implementation. Children should be charitable because their parents and community teaches them to be. Charting progress toward charity goals should be done at home, or perhaps in Sunday School. Children should not learn the lesson that they must do whatever their President requests of them. That is the road, not to genuine charity, but to tyranny and despotism.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Schooling Decision #2 - Homeschool
Yes, folks, it's that time of year again. Students are gearing up for their next year of school. My son finished his Kindergarten through the CLASS plan last year, and they mailed back an S for Satisfactory. The only grade you get in Kindergarten from CLASS is an S or a U. Guess what U stands for.
So what's up for this year? Well, my son is still doing a good job learning how to socialize. He isn't doing quite as well in keeping his room clean, but compared to other kids his age, it's not that bad. We're working on some defiance issues, and that's utterly normal. Basically, I've got a kid I can take out to dinner, and that's pretty cool. We had him professionally evaluated earlier this summer, and he was declared to be right on the line between ADHD and not ADHD. That didn't surprise me. He's flighty in the mind, but he's a solidly good worker. Easily distracted, but very intelligent.
It probably will come to no surprise to my regular readers that we have decided to continue homeschooling. The method, though, is slightly different. This year, we ordered the CLASS First Grade Family Plan. What's the difference? With the CLASS Plan, we send the work in and they give us his grade. With the Family Plan, we give him the grades ourselves. We send nothing back. Basically, they send us a full curriculum and a lovely Year Planner for homeschoolers (containing weekly planning sheets and myriads of forms from field trips to doctor's office visits) and we're on our own.
I noticed last year that my son has a bit of difficulty getting a real handle on history as something that actually happened long ago. We happen to live in lovely New England, and there are several historical sites for him to visit and actually experience history. I plan to incorporate history-based field trips heavily into his curriculum this year.
CLASS allows you to make some course substitutions for each year. I took the A Beka option for reading and science. I like the old classic readers A Beka offers, and the science book has an extra section on toys that I know will please my mechanically-minded boy. This is really what homeschooling is all about. Each child can have a curriculum that, while it covers the basics in full, will also play to his strengths and interests while shoring up his weaknesses. He'll also have all the drills and memorization that makes up a classic education, and arrive in highschool able to do his multiplication problems without a calculator.
This week I am going to be concentrating on planning out the school year. Each book needs to be divided into chapters and decisions have to be made as to how many days per week, how much per day will be done. The primary homeschooling parent, usually the mother, makes this choice. She must balance each day so that daily subjects and weekly subjects will all be completed without burning out her kid. Again, each child has a custom-tailored education key to his strengths and weaknesses. My son tires quickly when doing phonics, and there are a lot of pages in his book. I decided to start him on his new book in June, so that he can do one page every day and finish on time. He tires much less quickly with math, but there is a lot of work to do between his workbook, drill sheets, and tests, so I have started him on that subject already. "Summer school? What a bummer!" Seriously, one phonics page and two math pages is not a terrible fate. When he's in a good mood, he can complete all his summer schoolwork for the day in one hour.
Of course, we have a complication this year in the form of a baby. Lil Tricia is fussier than most. She likes to be held, and she has a tendency to soak up a lot of time. This can be dealt with. Most homeschooling mothers have breastfed and administered lessons at the same time. Homeschooling with multiple children becomes a balancing act, when you must not only work out each child's schedule, but correlate them so that one has busywork while you teach another. If you have many children close in age, this job is actually easier than you might think. History and science rarely take on significant differences between grades until highschool, and homeschooled children are often above their peers in reading comprehension. A second grader, third grader, and fifth grader can all learn from the same sixth-grade science or history book at the same time.
Of course, this doesn't quite apply to me yet. I will be sitting the baby up while listening to a lesson read aloud, playing with the baby while my son is doing his busywork, and discussing lessons with my son while the baby either plays with her toes or sleeps. It's going to be an adventure, but I wouldn't give it up for the world.
First grade subjects are theology, phonics, reading, spelling, handwriting, mathematics, science, history, art, music, and gym. I've got a handle on just about each item on the list. His history book is short and will only cover about half the year. Last year, I just started him late in the year, so that his amount of daily schoolwork slowly ramped up as he got used to this new system in his life. This year, I found a third grade History of United States book that I am going to read to him for the second half of the year. It might be a little over his head at times, but it'll be good for him.
I'm not worried about art. I used to teach it to my younger sister when I was a homeschooled student, and I've used it to keep kids happy while watching them for years. Music shouldn't be much of a problem. My mother agreed to start teaching him piano lessons. (I could do it myself, if I needed to, but I think it's good for him to have other teachers.) That will involve learning how to read music. Last year I taught him how to identify strings, brass, winds, and percussion by ear. (Not the individual instruments.) I also exposed him to the audio-only Peter and the Wolf. I know I ought to put him through an actual music appreciation course in time and teach him the names of the greats and so on. For now, though, the piano lessons should suffice.
It's gym that I am still trying to plan. I'm not much of a sports person. He gets plenty of exercise, but not much in the way of traditional active games. My mother loves taking him on bicycle rides, and he and I take plenty of walks, but I'm not the right person to teach him how to hit a ball or make a basket, and he needs to learn how to play in a team. He gets some of that in his weekly kids' group, but not like he'd get it from a gym class. What does a kid really need in the area of gym class? What will help him be a well-rounded kid? How can I be sure that I meet that need? I was easy. I was so anti-athletic that my mother could meet my need easily just by keeping me in shape. My son is so full of energy and good hand-eye coordination that he is going to need more than I personally can give him.
I'll talk to other homeschool parents in the area, including my mother, and we'll work something out. For the sake of those who like to learn more about homeschooling, when we've figured it out, I'll tell you what we've planned.
So what's up for this year? Well, my son is still doing a good job learning how to socialize. He isn't doing quite as well in keeping his room clean, but compared to other kids his age, it's not that bad. We're working on some defiance issues, and that's utterly normal. Basically, I've got a kid I can take out to dinner, and that's pretty cool. We had him professionally evaluated earlier this summer, and he was declared to be right on the line between ADHD and not ADHD. That didn't surprise me. He's flighty in the mind, but he's a solidly good worker. Easily distracted, but very intelligent.
It probably will come to no surprise to my regular readers that we have decided to continue homeschooling. The method, though, is slightly different. This year, we ordered the CLASS First Grade Family Plan. What's the difference? With the CLASS Plan, we send the work in and they give us his grade. With the Family Plan, we give him the grades ourselves. We send nothing back. Basically, they send us a full curriculum and a lovely Year Planner for homeschoolers (containing weekly planning sheets and myriads of forms from field trips to doctor's office visits) and we're on our own.
I noticed last year that my son has a bit of difficulty getting a real handle on history as something that actually happened long ago. We happen to live in lovely New England, and there are several historical sites for him to visit and actually experience history. I plan to incorporate history-based field trips heavily into his curriculum this year.
CLASS allows you to make some course substitutions for each year. I took the A Beka option for reading and science. I like the old classic readers A Beka offers, and the science book has an extra section on toys that I know will please my mechanically-minded boy. This is really what homeschooling is all about. Each child can have a curriculum that, while it covers the basics in full, will also play to his strengths and interests while shoring up his weaknesses. He'll also have all the drills and memorization that makes up a classic education, and arrive in highschool able to do his multiplication problems without a calculator.
This week I am going to be concentrating on planning out the school year. Each book needs to be divided into chapters and decisions have to be made as to how many days per week, how much per day will be done. The primary homeschooling parent, usually the mother, makes this choice. She must balance each day so that daily subjects and weekly subjects will all be completed without burning out her kid. Again, each child has a custom-tailored education key to his strengths and weaknesses. My son tires quickly when doing phonics, and there are a lot of pages in his book. I decided to start him on his new book in June, so that he can do one page every day and finish on time. He tires much less quickly with math, but there is a lot of work to do between his workbook, drill sheets, and tests, so I have started him on that subject already. "Summer school? What a bummer!" Seriously, one phonics page and two math pages is not a terrible fate. When he's in a good mood, he can complete all his summer schoolwork for the day in one hour.
Of course, we have a complication this year in the form of a baby. Lil Tricia is fussier than most. She likes to be held, and she has a tendency to soak up a lot of time. This can be dealt with. Most homeschooling mothers have breastfed and administered lessons at the same time. Homeschooling with multiple children becomes a balancing act, when you must not only work out each child's schedule, but correlate them so that one has busywork while you teach another. If you have many children close in age, this job is actually easier than you might think. History and science rarely take on significant differences between grades until highschool, and homeschooled children are often above their peers in reading comprehension. A second grader, third grader, and fifth grader can all learn from the same sixth-grade science or history book at the same time.
Of course, this doesn't quite apply to me yet. I will be sitting the baby up while listening to a lesson read aloud, playing with the baby while my son is doing his busywork, and discussing lessons with my son while the baby either plays with her toes or sleeps. It's going to be an adventure, but I wouldn't give it up for the world.
First grade subjects are theology, phonics, reading, spelling, handwriting, mathematics, science, history, art, music, and gym. I've got a handle on just about each item on the list. His history book is short and will only cover about half the year. Last year, I just started him late in the year, so that his amount of daily schoolwork slowly ramped up as he got used to this new system in his life. This year, I found a third grade History of United States book that I am going to read to him for the second half of the year. It might be a little over his head at times, but it'll be good for him.
I'm not worried about art. I used to teach it to my younger sister when I was a homeschooled student, and I've used it to keep kids happy while watching them for years. Music shouldn't be much of a problem. My mother agreed to start teaching him piano lessons. (I could do it myself, if I needed to, but I think it's good for him to have other teachers.) That will involve learning how to read music. Last year I taught him how to identify strings, brass, winds, and percussion by ear. (Not the individual instruments.) I also exposed him to the audio-only Peter and the Wolf. I know I ought to put him through an actual music appreciation course in time and teach him the names of the greats and so on. For now, though, the piano lessons should suffice.
It's gym that I am still trying to plan. I'm not much of a sports person. He gets plenty of exercise, but not much in the way of traditional active games. My mother loves taking him on bicycle rides, and he and I take plenty of walks, but I'm not the right person to teach him how to hit a ball or make a basket, and he needs to learn how to play in a team. He gets some of that in his weekly kids' group, but not like he'd get it from a gym class. What does a kid really need in the area of gym class? What will help him be a well-rounded kid? How can I be sure that I meet that need? I was easy. I was so anti-athletic that my mother could meet my need easily just by keeping me in shape. My son is so full of energy and good hand-eye coordination that he is going to need more than I personally can give him.
I'll talk to other homeschool parents in the area, including my mother, and we'll work something out. For the sake of those who like to learn more about homeschooling, when we've figured it out, I'll tell you what we've planned.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Blueprint for Societal Change
In the wake of the post-election mess in California, I'd like to introduce you to a different kind of group, a different kind of lobbying, and a nonviolent means of advancing your issue within society. We're going to be looking at a minority group, about 2-5% of the U.S. population depending on the survey/study, who feel strongly compelled by their own consciences to live a different lifestyle than the average American.
When their movement first surfaced in the 70's, it was definitively illegal in some states, while others simply rejected it on the grounds of having no law permitting it. They proceeded to live as they felt compelled anyways, quietly and industriously, seeking to carve out individual exemptions that would simply allow them to live their lives as they saw fit. Over time, an organization developed that allowed them to deal with the government and courts with proper legal representation, but they did not seek to change the laws through the judicial system. They were simply settling individual cases.
In time, through writing letters and visiting the legislature, they proved bit by bit by their behavior that their lifestyle was validly non-destructive. They began to build a reputation of respect, achievement, and cooperation. States began to pass laws properly through the legislature permitting their lifestyle, but often with burdensome regulations. They accepted what they had hard-won, showed themselves willing to compromise, and worked to show by example that they could function equally without the extra government oversight. They did not assume that they could simply declare a right, even a valid one, and bully their way into it. Instead, they sought to show themselves worthy of it, confident that reasonable people would slowly be swayed by a good example.
Rallies were orderly, calm, and clean. They did not key anybody's cars. They did not threaten business owners. They did not assault elderly women or members of other religions. They did not vandalize, did not scream, did not perform obscene acts in public. They simply sought to prove by behaving properly that they were a valid part of society. Even with their lifestyle now legal (but often with heavy regulations) in all 5o states, they were not considered equal with the 'masses'. Employers and colleges refused them, and they were not allowed to serve in the military. They often lost health benefits and government benefits allowed to others, for nothing but their lifestyle status. They never screamed "Unfair!" Instead, they wrote letters, dissertations, made calm and reasoned speeches, and sought to persuade through logic.
It has now been over 30 years, and life is considerably easier for these people than it was at the beginning. Though they are often still harassed by government officials, social workers, and police simply for their lifestyle, they are allowed into most colleges and the military now accepts them. More people than ever before know somebody who lives this lifestyle, and opinion has become more and more favorable. They are proving by statistics that they are healthy, hardworking people, involved in volunteer work and more than pulling their weight in society. Though they recently nearly suffered a huge blow in California, they remained calm, and through appeal and well-reasoned evidence were able to keep from losing legal status there. They are making a place for themselves without treading on the rights of others. There is no law against believing their practices to be obscene, no 'hate crime' laws to benefit them above the general population, and they are not trying to force educators to teach schoolchildren about them.
Internationally, though many countries allow these people to practice their lifestyle, others persecute them, jailing them and forcing their families to flee to other countries for safety. One such family is currently petitioning asylum from their home country to the U.S. and is likely to get it due to the persecution there.
Are they gays?
Nope.
They are homeschoolers.
Missouri - reported November 18th
School system attempts to force a homeschooling family to comply with regulations far above and beyond those set forth by law. When the family refuses, they falsely report the children truant although the family is homeschooling legally in that state. Criminal charges are filed in the courts.
Ohio - reported November 7th
A homeschooling family is roundly criticized at their own doorstep by, of all people, the dog warden, who has shown up with police escort insisting to enter their home in order to inspect their (healthy and licensed) dog without a warrant. With police present, the warden said "They homeschool, too," prompting a diatribe from the police officer, who told the woman at the door that she was being a poor example and questioning her teaching skills.
Florida - reported November 6th
A social worker forces her way into a homeschooling family's home with the backup of two police officers. Refusing to disclose any allegations against them, she proceeds to partially strip-search one of the children who later turned out to not even be named in the allegation (an anonymous tip made months ago), in front of the officers and family, embarrassing the girl greatly. After threatening the father with handcuffs and removal of his children if he did not stop asserting (verbally, without violence) his Fourth Amendment rights, she then fully strip-searches all the children, male and female. Despite finding no evidence of abuse, she then insists that the entire family undergo a psychological examination.
When their movement first surfaced in the 70's, it was definitively illegal in some states, while others simply rejected it on the grounds of having no law permitting it. They proceeded to live as they felt compelled anyways, quietly and industriously, seeking to carve out individual exemptions that would simply allow them to live their lives as they saw fit. Over time, an organization developed that allowed them to deal with the government and courts with proper legal representation, but they did not seek to change the laws through the judicial system. They were simply settling individual cases.
In time, through writing letters and visiting the legislature, they proved bit by bit by their behavior that their lifestyle was validly non-destructive. They began to build a reputation of respect, achievement, and cooperation. States began to pass laws properly through the legislature permitting their lifestyle, but often with burdensome regulations. They accepted what they had hard-won, showed themselves willing to compromise, and worked to show by example that they could function equally without the extra government oversight. They did not assume that they could simply declare a right, even a valid one, and bully their way into it. Instead, they sought to show themselves worthy of it, confident that reasonable people would slowly be swayed by a good example.
Rallies were orderly, calm, and clean. They did not key anybody's cars. They did not threaten business owners. They did not assault elderly women or members of other religions. They did not vandalize, did not scream, did not perform obscene acts in public. They simply sought to prove by behaving properly that they were a valid part of society. Even with their lifestyle now legal (but often with heavy regulations) in all 5o states, they were not considered equal with the 'masses'. Employers and colleges refused them, and they were not allowed to serve in the military. They often lost health benefits and government benefits allowed to others, for nothing but their lifestyle status. They never screamed "Unfair!" Instead, they wrote letters, dissertations, made calm and reasoned speeches, and sought to persuade through logic.
It has now been over 30 years, and life is considerably easier for these people than it was at the beginning. Though they are often still harassed by government officials, social workers, and police simply for their lifestyle, they are allowed into most colleges and the military now accepts them. More people than ever before know somebody who lives this lifestyle, and opinion has become more and more favorable. They are proving by statistics that they are healthy, hardworking people, involved in volunteer work and more than pulling their weight in society. Though they recently nearly suffered a huge blow in California, they remained calm, and through appeal and well-reasoned evidence were able to keep from losing legal status there. They are making a place for themselves without treading on the rights of others. There is no law against believing their practices to be obscene, no 'hate crime' laws to benefit them above the general population, and they are not trying to force educators to teach schoolchildren about them.
Internationally, though many countries allow these people to practice their lifestyle, others persecute them, jailing them and forcing their families to flee to other countries for safety. One such family is currently petitioning asylum from their home country to the U.S. and is likely to get it due to the persecution there.
Are they gays?
Nope.
They are homeschoolers.
Missouri - reported November 18th
School system attempts to force a homeschooling family to comply with regulations far above and beyond those set forth by law. When the family refuses, they falsely report the children truant although the family is homeschooling legally in that state. Criminal charges are filed in the courts.
Ohio - reported November 7th
A homeschooling family is roundly criticized at their own doorstep by, of all people, the dog warden, who has shown up with police escort insisting to enter their home in order to inspect their (healthy and licensed) dog without a warrant. With police present, the warden said "They homeschool, too," prompting a diatribe from the police officer, who told the woman at the door that she was being a poor example and questioning her teaching skills.
Florida - reported November 6th
A social worker forces her way into a homeschooling family's home with the backup of two police officers. Refusing to disclose any allegations against them, she proceeds to partially strip-search one of the children who later turned out to not even be named in the allegation (an anonymous tip made months ago), in front of the officers and family, embarrassing the girl greatly. After threatening the father with handcuffs and removal of his children if he did not stop asserting (verbally, without violence) his Fourth Amendment rights, she then fully strip-searches all the children, male and female. Despite finding no evidence of abuse, she then insists that the entire family undergo a psychological examination.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Preparing Education
Now that my son is five years old, I know the time has come for him to begin education. In this country, I have a few options. There is a public school system, ostentatiously 'free', but in fact paid for by taxpayers. There is also a set of private school systems, many religion-based. Lastly, there is the legal opportunity to homeschool. After consideration of the options and my child's unique personality, I have opted for the third.
What kind of person homeschools? There's a variety, but I can give you my answer in this case: I am a married woman with a bachelor's degree and some experience both teaching on the college level and tutoring on elementary, highschool, and college levels. My husband and I maintain a single-income working-class family with a mortgage, a small vegetable garden, and a very old station wagon. I'll be doing most of the teaching, with my husband supplementing with what only a father can provide to a little boy.
I have scored a consistent IQ level of "Bright" with high creativity, suspected "ADHD Inattentive", high sensitivity, mild dyslexia, and synesthesia. My husband has scored an IQ varying between Moderately Gifted and Exceptionally Gifted with his score rising each time the test is administered, diagnosed "ADHD Hyperactive", with a mild language processing disorder.
I bounced between public, private, and homeschool through my education, so although I was once homeschooled, I approach the decision with some experience in each sector. My husband was public-schooled entirely, in and out of 'Special Ed' and on and off of Ritalin, and heartily approves of homeschool.
Why would I choose homeschool? I have several reasons, the main ones I'll set out in order of importance:
1. Giftedness - My son shows signs of my high sensitivity and my husband's exceptional manual dexterity and mechanical skill. He is very intelligent and observant such that people interacting with him one-on-one always remark on it, but teachers who see him in large groups think he's 'a little slow'. (I suspect sensory overload.) He may be ADHD Hyperactive, but I think he's within the realm of a normal active boy in terms of attention span and ability to sit still.
2. Sensitivities - As noted before, I suspect him to be prone to sensory overload. Even as a baby, he would sometimes cry uncontrollably until I simply put him in his crib, walked out, and shut the door for five minutes. He didn't even go to sleep. He just needed his world 'reduced' for a while. He becomes either completely withdrawn or irritably hyperactive when he's among a group of his peers, and reacts badly to sudden loud noises. (Badly means startling and crying, not becoming violent or uncontrollable.)
Do not feed this kid artificial colors or flavorings, or he will become an absolute bear for the rest of the day. I could just imagine the chaos he could cause if someone fed him a glass of Hi C and a few Skittles and then expected him to sit quietly in a classroom for the next two hours.
I suspect he is 'borderline', not bad enough for special attention, but bad enough to not get from a traditional school system what he needs. I want to teach him the coping skills I have learned, in a safe environment, and expose him to the busier environments by degrees. I do not believe in the "toss in and see if he swims" mentality when dealing with a still-forming brain.
3. Christian teachings - Shouldn't I as a "good Christian" put this first? Well, no, actually. You can raise a child through the private or even public school systems and still instill important values within him, though it will be more challenging when the school will not work with you. Children will learn from the people around them how to behave, whether you like it or not. They are not able to miraculously develop social and life skills from a blank slate, and they will look to their parents first in trying to discover what an adult is supposed to be.
I want to see to it that he learns what will make him a good man, respectful to women, willing to submit to authority without blindly following it, able to challenge wrongdoers and care for the needy. In particular I believe the public school system often follows with popular culture in giving lip service to virtue while promoting the following of your own self-interest in the name of 'happiness'.
This may be a good place to address the question of socialization. Children can be jerks for a while while they're learning to be adults. (A few continue to be jerks into adulthood.) Just as you would not want an apprentice electrician learning to be a master from another apprentice, you do not want your child learning from his peers how to be an adult. Right now, my son is friendly and gentle, kind, without an ounce of racial/sexual discrimination in him. I want him to grow up to be a friendly man, gentle, without an ounce of racial/sexual discrimination. Once he leaves highschool, his 'peer group' will have nothing to do with age alone for the entire rest of his life. He will be interacting with teachers, students, congressmen, doctors, grocers, and bankers of all different ages and backgrounds. I do not choose homeschooling despite a concern about socialization. I choose homeschooling because of a concern about socialization. Age-related activities and other socialization opportunities are readily provided through extracurricular activities, with and without Mom.
4. Sexual discrimination - With boys disproportionately being perceived as 'acting up', punished, and in some cases belittled in the public school system, with the percentages of college-bound young men falling, it is obvious there is something wrong with the public school experience being geared utterly towards the strengths and development of female over male.
Boys are being taught that all aggression and competitiveness is evil, forced to repress it instead of being trained to control and direct it for the good of humankind. They are pushed, often too early, into a place where you are penalized for being an active child, where girls often have the jump on them in language skills, and girls are encouraged to excel beyond them at math at their expense. Literature assignments and history retellings are tailored for feminine enjoyment, and increasing numbers of boys simply do not find it interesting.
I wish to be able to tailor my boy's education to his boyness, to encourage him to read about boys who overcome struggles and win battles internal and external, who protect the weak and provide for the needy. I do intend to nurture his gentle side. He already owns a baby doll (which he treats with utmost care) and enjoys watching movies like Cinderella and (to my surprise) The Sound of Music. It is important to teach boys to be kind and careful, to never torture animals and to treat fragile things with extra delicacy. But it is also important to let them be boys and show them how to be men, and in this area I feel the public school is far behind and many private schools are not much better.
How do I homeschool? Again, there are many different answers to this question, so I will give mine. We have officially enrolled him in a private, nonprofit distance program known as Christian Liberty Academy Satellite Schools, or CLASS for short. I'm in their full plan, which means that they provide a curriculum, and I submit my student's work back to them for grading. They maintain paperwork including transcripts and other school records for me. They also have a Family Plan, in which they simply ship you a curriculum and you don't send anything back, neither do they keep records for you. You can also make your own curriculum, but that's harder, and takes more expertise than I feel that I have at this moment. I'm knowledgeable enough to know that I don't know what I'm doing quite well enough to fill in all the gaps. That may change over time.
Am I afraid of getting into legal trouble? Well, our parents on all sides are pretty supportive of our decision, and other family members are either supportive or at least not hostile. Still, it is possible to run into difficulty. Consider that the usual overseers of a homeschool program is the local public school district, which will gain an extra $6K give or take per year if they can prove that you aren't doing a good enough job. Not all districts are equal, and some are friendlier than others, but most homeschoolers learn to beware. We've taken the extra step and joined HSLDA, which for a surprisingly small annual fee will represent us if we run into any problems.
Homeschooling is legal in all states in my country, with restrictions varying from lenient to near prohibitive. Fortunately, my state strikes a good balance.
What are some things people might not know about homeschooling?
1. It doesn't require the parent to be a certified teacher in most states, and research has shown that homeschooling parents with only a highschool education actually turn out students with slightly higher grades on average than those with a higher education level.
2. In the semi-recently profiled cases on the news media about homeschooling 'to hide child abuse', every family mentioned had already been investigated multiple times by DCF, which dropped the ball on the follow-up. Homeschooling had about as much to do with it as the color of the parents' hair, and it certainly didn't cloak them from the government.
3. Most homeschoolers have several extracurricular activities, not all of them religious, in which to exercise their social and leadership skills. They can range from 4H to Civil Air Patrol to karate lessons to Boy Scouts. They provide extra accountability as well. "Isolated" rarely describes a homeschooling family.
4. Among homeschooled children, the educational gap between black and white, as well as male and female, disappears completely.
Is homeschooling always the best choice? Absolutely not. You don't need to be a genius to teach, especially with the curriculum options available, but you do need to be sufficiently disciplined and determined. Sometimes the parent, through no fault of their own, can't pull it off. Sometimes the kid is just the sort who learns best in that traditional public-school environment. Sometimes a kid is best off in homeschool for some years, public school in others, and private in still others. This is a decision that should be made uniquely for each parent, each child, each year. Perhaps my son will reach a point where he has overcome his sensitivities and needs the further structure and/or learning style of a public or private school system.
But for now, homeschooling is definitely It.
What kind of person homeschools? There's a variety, but I can give you my answer in this case: I am a married woman with a bachelor's degree and some experience both teaching on the college level and tutoring on elementary, highschool, and college levels. My husband and I maintain a single-income working-class family with a mortgage, a small vegetable garden, and a very old station wagon. I'll be doing most of the teaching, with my husband supplementing with what only a father can provide to a little boy.
I have scored a consistent IQ level of "Bright" with high creativity, suspected "ADHD Inattentive", high sensitivity, mild dyslexia, and synesthesia. My husband has scored an IQ varying between Moderately Gifted and Exceptionally Gifted with his score rising each time the test is administered, diagnosed "ADHD Hyperactive", with a mild language processing disorder.
I bounced between public, private, and homeschool through my education, so although I was once homeschooled, I approach the decision with some experience in each sector. My husband was public-schooled entirely, in and out of 'Special Ed' and on and off of Ritalin, and heartily approves of homeschool.
Why would I choose homeschool? I have several reasons, the main ones I'll set out in order of importance:
1. Giftedness - My son shows signs of my high sensitivity and my husband's exceptional manual dexterity and mechanical skill. He is very intelligent and observant such that people interacting with him one-on-one always remark on it, but teachers who see him in large groups think he's 'a little slow'. (I suspect sensory overload.) He may be ADHD Hyperactive, but I think he's within the realm of a normal active boy in terms of attention span and ability to sit still.
2. Sensitivities - As noted before, I suspect him to be prone to sensory overload. Even as a baby, he would sometimes cry uncontrollably until I simply put him in his crib, walked out, and shut the door for five minutes. He didn't even go to sleep. He just needed his world 'reduced' for a while. He becomes either completely withdrawn or irritably hyperactive when he's among a group of his peers, and reacts badly to sudden loud noises. (Badly means startling and crying, not becoming violent or uncontrollable.)
Do not feed this kid artificial colors or flavorings, or he will become an absolute bear for the rest of the day. I could just imagine the chaos he could cause if someone fed him a glass of Hi C and a few Skittles and then expected him to sit quietly in a classroom for the next two hours.
I suspect he is 'borderline', not bad enough for special attention, but bad enough to not get from a traditional school system what he needs. I want to teach him the coping skills I have learned, in a safe environment, and expose him to the busier environments by degrees. I do not believe in the "toss in and see if he swims" mentality when dealing with a still-forming brain.
3. Christian teachings - Shouldn't I as a "good Christian" put this first? Well, no, actually. You can raise a child through the private or even public school systems and still instill important values within him, though it will be more challenging when the school will not work with you. Children will learn from the people around them how to behave, whether you like it or not. They are not able to miraculously develop social and life skills from a blank slate, and they will look to their parents first in trying to discover what an adult is supposed to be.
I want to see to it that he learns what will make him a good man, respectful to women, willing to submit to authority without blindly following it, able to challenge wrongdoers and care for the needy. In particular I believe the public school system often follows with popular culture in giving lip service to virtue while promoting the following of your own self-interest in the name of 'happiness'.
This may be a good place to address the question of socialization. Children can be jerks for a while while they're learning to be adults. (A few continue to be jerks into adulthood.) Just as you would not want an apprentice electrician learning to be a master from another apprentice, you do not want your child learning from his peers how to be an adult. Right now, my son is friendly and gentle, kind, without an ounce of racial/sexual discrimination in him. I want him to grow up to be a friendly man, gentle, without an ounce of racial/sexual discrimination. Once he leaves highschool, his 'peer group' will have nothing to do with age alone for the entire rest of his life. He will be interacting with teachers, students, congressmen, doctors, grocers, and bankers of all different ages and backgrounds. I do not choose homeschooling despite a concern about socialization. I choose homeschooling because of a concern about socialization. Age-related activities and other socialization opportunities are readily provided through extracurricular activities, with and without Mom.
4. Sexual discrimination - With boys disproportionately being perceived as 'acting up', punished, and in some cases belittled in the public school system, with the percentages of college-bound young men falling, it is obvious there is something wrong with the public school experience being geared utterly towards the strengths and development of female over male.
Boys are being taught that all aggression and competitiveness is evil, forced to repress it instead of being trained to control and direct it for the good of humankind. They are pushed, often too early, into a place where you are penalized for being an active child, where girls often have the jump on them in language skills, and girls are encouraged to excel beyond them at math at their expense. Literature assignments and history retellings are tailored for feminine enjoyment, and increasing numbers of boys simply do not find it interesting.
I wish to be able to tailor my boy's education to his boyness, to encourage him to read about boys who overcome struggles and win battles internal and external, who protect the weak and provide for the needy. I do intend to nurture his gentle side. He already owns a baby doll (which he treats with utmost care) and enjoys watching movies like Cinderella and (to my surprise) The Sound of Music. It is important to teach boys to be kind and careful, to never torture animals and to treat fragile things with extra delicacy. But it is also important to let them be boys and show them how to be men, and in this area I feel the public school is far behind and many private schools are not much better.
How do I homeschool? Again, there are many different answers to this question, so I will give mine. We have officially enrolled him in a private, nonprofit distance program known as Christian Liberty Academy Satellite Schools, or CLASS for short. I'm in their full plan, which means that they provide a curriculum, and I submit my student's work back to them for grading. They maintain paperwork including transcripts and other school records for me. They also have a Family Plan, in which they simply ship you a curriculum and you don't send anything back, neither do they keep records for you. You can also make your own curriculum, but that's harder, and takes more expertise than I feel that I have at this moment. I'm knowledgeable enough to know that I don't know what I'm doing quite well enough to fill in all the gaps. That may change over time.
Am I afraid of getting into legal trouble? Well, our parents on all sides are pretty supportive of our decision, and other family members are either supportive or at least not hostile. Still, it is possible to run into difficulty. Consider that the usual overseers of a homeschool program is the local public school district, which will gain an extra $6K give or take per year if they can prove that you aren't doing a good enough job. Not all districts are equal, and some are friendlier than others, but most homeschoolers learn to beware. We've taken the extra step and joined HSLDA, which for a surprisingly small annual fee will represent us if we run into any problems.
Homeschooling is legal in all states in my country, with restrictions varying from lenient to near prohibitive. Fortunately, my state strikes a good balance.
What are some things people might not know about homeschooling?
1. It doesn't require the parent to be a certified teacher in most states, and research has shown that homeschooling parents with only a highschool education actually turn out students with slightly higher grades on average than those with a higher education level.
2. In the semi-recently profiled cases on the news media about homeschooling 'to hide child abuse', every family mentioned had already been investigated multiple times by DCF, which dropped the ball on the follow-up. Homeschooling had about as much to do with it as the color of the parents' hair, and it certainly didn't cloak them from the government.
3. Most homeschoolers have several extracurricular activities, not all of them religious, in which to exercise their social and leadership skills. They can range from 4H to Civil Air Patrol to karate lessons to Boy Scouts. They provide extra accountability as well. "Isolated" rarely describes a homeschooling family.
4. Among homeschooled children, the educational gap between black and white, as well as male and female, disappears completely.
Is homeschooling always the best choice? Absolutely not. You don't need to be a genius to teach, especially with the curriculum options available, but you do need to be sufficiently disciplined and determined. Sometimes the parent, through no fault of their own, can't pull it off. Sometimes the kid is just the sort who learns best in that traditional public-school environment. Sometimes a kid is best off in homeschool for some years, public school in others, and private in still others. This is a decision that should be made uniquely for each parent, each child, each year. Perhaps my son will reach a point where he has overcome his sensitivities and needs the further structure and/or learning style of a public or private school system.
But for now, homeschooling is definitely It.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Discipline without discipline
I've been talking a bit about spanking children, and gathering a bit of interest, granted mostly from someone who would like me to change my ways by not neglecting my child so that he doesn't act out. That brought to mind a few of the things I do to avoid my child's acting out, and I thought some of these things may be of interest to other parents. Probably a lot of you do this already, but maybe something will be news for someone.
Diet
The easiest way I prevent bad behavior is by watching what I get at the grocery store. I avoid food with additives whenever I can. Most importantly, I don't buy any juice or 'juice drink' that isn't 100% nothing-added juice. I look at the ingredients listing. A juice container may list juices from concentrate and pure water, or just the juices themselves. I also allow for added ascorbic acid (Vitamin C). That's it. No high fructose corn syrup, and no food coloring at all.
It's really amazing what added sugars and food coloring will do to an active little boy. I'll let him have a small glass of soda at family gatherings, and just let him bounce around with his cousins in my grandmother's huge yard until it wears off.
Exercise
Just about a hundred years ago and less, kids got a lot more physical activity than they do in modern culture, and it did them good. My son has an abundance of energy. This one isn't easy for me, since I have a few physical ailments that sap my energy level. But if you can walk while he runs circles around you, so much the better! I plan exercise opportunities and opportunities for him to play with other kids so that they can all get their energy out together!
This is one of the big reasons why I'm homeschooling him. So often children in public schools have to spend most of the day sitting still as the teacher tries to keep order enough to teach them something, and then spend much of the evening doing the homework that the teacher couldn't get them to do during classtime. My kid has his learning concentrated in periods between run-around time, and it makes him a lot more willing to learn.
Exhaustion Level
Ever had a normally sweet kid suddenly turn into a tiger? Before you automatically think he's turned into Mr. Hyde, check the clock and think about his day. Any kid (and adult!) will be grumpy when he's overstimulated and/or exhausted. If he acts up even though he's been eating like a horse and wrestling like a bear, he's probably tired as a dog. If my kid screams "No!" and cries buckets of tears over nothing, I just give him a hug and put him down for a nap (or to sleep for the night).
When mine was a baby, he would reach a point where the world was just too much for him and he couldn't keep control of himself. Simply holding him would do no good, because to an overstimulated child, your intense presence is nearly painful! So I would check his diaper and consider when he was last fed to eliminate those possibilities, try cuddling to see if that would help, and then simply put him down in his crib without turning any distraction devices on and walk away. I'd set the timer. Guaranteed, within three to five minutes of having his world reduced to four cushioned walls and utter silence, he'd straighten right out and be an angel for the rest of the day.
When dealing with babies, of course, this depends on age. Very young infants are not likely to have this kind of problem. You may also want to check his gumline to see if he's just teething. There were many times when a small packet of children's orajel did more than anything else in the world.
If my kid starts acting up at a party, I ask myself how long we've been there and consider taking him home to rest. If this happens and you don't want to leave yet, I'd suggest putting your kid in your lap and letting him/her listen to the soothing cadence of your voice and get some downtime for a while. Chances are your kid will pick up a 'second wind' and head off after a while for some more play.
Responsibility
Though I left this one for last, I don't mean to understate it's importance. A lot of times a child will act up because he simply doesn't know what to do with himself. When my son got too big to sit in the shopping cart, he threw seven kinds of fits until I made a new role for him. Now he pushes the cart.
He is all of five years old, but he's got heft to him and he can actually provide the majority of the propulsion even when the cart is very full! I let him do it himself if the aisles are wide and empty. Otherwise, I'll keep a touch on the leading edge of the cart to help guide it and prevent it from crashing. I gently correct his 'driving'. "Careful around this corner. Stop stop! You almost hit that lady.. be careful! You're doing so well!" My shopping-tantrum problems vanished.
Go ahead and push a little where chores and jobs are concerned. Don't complain about his inability to do something unless you're absolutely sure your kid is slacking off. Try him on things you don't think he can do. You might be surprised! If he can't do it, go ahead and make his way a bit easier. Don't be ridiculous, of course. A five-year-old has no call, say, changing a diaper. But mine can clear the table (and will come asking me for my dish when I'm done!), start the dishwasher, maneuver the shopping cart (with a bit of help), and clean his own room. Start your kid on simple responsibility as early as you can, while keeping it gentle. I don't punish my five-year-old for not doing his chores, but there are privileges (like watching TV or playing with certain toys) that he must earn by doing.
Diet
The easiest way I prevent bad behavior is by watching what I get at the grocery store. I avoid food with additives whenever I can. Most importantly, I don't buy any juice or 'juice drink' that isn't 100% nothing-added juice. I look at the ingredients listing. A juice container may list juices from concentrate and pure water, or just the juices themselves. I also allow for added ascorbic acid (Vitamin C). That's it. No high fructose corn syrup, and no food coloring at all.
It's really amazing what added sugars and food coloring will do to an active little boy. I'll let him have a small glass of soda at family gatherings, and just let him bounce around with his cousins in my grandmother's huge yard until it wears off.
Exercise
Just about a hundred years ago and less, kids got a lot more physical activity than they do in modern culture, and it did them good. My son has an abundance of energy. This one isn't easy for me, since I have a few physical ailments that sap my energy level. But if you can walk while he runs circles around you, so much the better! I plan exercise opportunities and opportunities for him to play with other kids so that they can all get their energy out together!
This is one of the big reasons why I'm homeschooling him. So often children in public schools have to spend most of the day sitting still as the teacher tries to keep order enough to teach them something, and then spend much of the evening doing the homework that the teacher couldn't get them to do during classtime. My kid has his learning concentrated in periods between run-around time, and it makes him a lot more willing to learn.
Exhaustion Level
Ever had a normally sweet kid suddenly turn into a tiger? Before you automatically think he's turned into Mr. Hyde, check the clock and think about his day. Any kid (and adult!) will be grumpy when he's overstimulated and/or exhausted. If he acts up even though he's been eating like a horse and wrestling like a bear, he's probably tired as a dog. If my kid screams "No!" and cries buckets of tears over nothing, I just give him a hug and put him down for a nap (or to sleep for the night).
When mine was a baby, he would reach a point where the world was just too much for him and he couldn't keep control of himself. Simply holding him would do no good, because to an overstimulated child, your intense presence is nearly painful! So I would check his diaper and consider when he was last fed to eliminate those possibilities, try cuddling to see if that would help, and then simply put him down in his crib without turning any distraction devices on and walk away. I'd set the timer. Guaranteed, within three to five minutes of having his world reduced to four cushioned walls and utter silence, he'd straighten right out and be an angel for the rest of the day.
When dealing with babies, of course, this depends on age. Very young infants are not likely to have this kind of problem. You may also want to check his gumline to see if he's just teething. There were many times when a small packet of children's orajel did more than anything else in the world.
If my kid starts acting up at a party, I ask myself how long we've been there and consider taking him home to rest. If this happens and you don't want to leave yet, I'd suggest putting your kid in your lap and letting him/her listen to the soothing cadence of your voice and get some downtime for a while. Chances are your kid will pick up a 'second wind' and head off after a while for some more play.
Responsibility
Though I left this one for last, I don't mean to understate it's importance. A lot of times a child will act up because he simply doesn't know what to do with himself. When my son got too big to sit in the shopping cart, he threw seven kinds of fits until I made a new role for him. Now he pushes the cart.
He is all of five years old, but he's got heft to him and he can actually provide the majority of the propulsion even when the cart is very full! I let him do it himself if the aisles are wide and empty. Otherwise, I'll keep a touch on the leading edge of the cart to help guide it and prevent it from crashing. I gently correct his 'driving'. "Careful around this corner. Stop stop! You almost hit that lady.. be careful! You're doing so well!" My shopping-tantrum problems vanished.
Go ahead and push a little where chores and jobs are concerned. Don't complain about his inability to do something unless you're absolutely sure your kid is slacking off. Try him on things you don't think he can do. You might be surprised! If he can't do it, go ahead and make his way a bit easier. Don't be ridiculous, of course. A five-year-old has no call, say, changing a diaper. But mine can clear the table (and will come asking me for my dish when I'm done!), start the dishwasher, maneuver the shopping cart (with a bit of help), and clean his own room. Start your kid on simple responsibility as early as you can, while keeping it gentle. I don't punish my five-year-old for not doing his chores, but there are privileges (like watching TV or playing with certain toys) that he must earn by doing.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Revving Up
So this week I'm adding a subject to Lil B's schoolwork. I'm going to start teaching him math every day. I figure I'll introduce subjects slowly, like introducing foods to an infant, always giving him enough time to expend his energy.
I was talking to someone who pointed out what he saw as an "us vs. them" mentality among homeschoolers when dealing with the public school system. My first thought was, "Yeah, duh..." But I took a moment to explain, not justifying, but simply explaining why. I think the 'why' justifies itself.
Most homeschooling families start out trusting the public school system and have to get 'burned' before they start taking the precautions that more experienced families do. Over and over I see the case briefs, and so many of them start the same way. "Mrs. S. sent in her notice to homeschool her son in the interest of cooperation. Unfortunately, the school board decided to report her for truancy although her notice followed all state guidelines..." Variations on a theme, some involving police pounding down the front door, some merely involving months of paperwork caught up in red tape, most of them requiring the involvement of an attorney to get the school to back down.
On "ERIC", the Education Resources Information Center online, I looked up 'homeschool'. One of the results, a published study, caught my attention. Rather, the language in the abstract caught my attention.
I'm not saying all districts are like this. Ours is pretty good about not harassing homeschoolers. Unfortunately, any homeschooling family in our area looking to use any public school resources at all, even offering to pay for these tax-supported services, are finding the door slammed decidedly shut.
Personally, I'm not even going to try. I may turn to the local Catholic school, which cheerfully and readily agreed to administer my SAT's when I was the homeschool student several years ago. I'm going to put in my intent notice with the minimal required information. I don't need to personally be burned to know that "they" are not inclined to be friendly towards "us". And anyone who is actually going to review any portfolio or ask any further questions... well... I will begin by giving them the benefit of the doubt and see if they are decent people personally before deciding if they are part of "Them" or simply good people doing their job.
I was talking to someone who pointed out what he saw as an "us vs. them" mentality among homeschoolers when dealing with the public school system. My first thought was, "Yeah, duh..." But I took a moment to explain, not justifying, but simply explaining why. I think the 'why' justifies itself.
Most homeschooling families start out trusting the public school system and have to get 'burned' before they start taking the precautions that more experienced families do. Over and over I see the case briefs, and so many of them start the same way. "Mrs. S. sent in her notice to homeschool her son in the interest of cooperation. Unfortunately, the school board decided to report her for truancy although her notice followed all state guidelines..." Variations on a theme, some involving police pounding down the front door, some merely involving months of paperwork caught up in red tape, most of them requiring the involvement of an attorney to get the school to back down.
On "ERIC", the Education Resources Information Center online, I looked up 'homeschool'. One of the results, a published study, caught my attention. Rather, the language in the abstract caught my attention.
While the recent growth of homeschooling in America may not be an overall threat to public education in America today, some school districts are reporting that they are experiencing declines in their enrollments, which ultimately means a revenue loss in their school districts (Hetzner, 2000; Vater, 2001). (emphasis mine)That really sums up the "us vs. them" attitude. The Department of Education and it's various public school systems see homeschoolers as a threat. Their revenue is based on enrollment, though it is paid through the taxes that homeschooling parents pay. Public school districts have little or no influence over private school, but in many states they are presented with a 'letter of intent' for homeschoolers, which gives them a chance to show their displeasure.
I'm not saying all districts are like this. Ours is pretty good about not harassing homeschoolers. Unfortunately, any homeschooling family in our area looking to use any public school resources at all, even offering to pay for these tax-supported services, are finding the door slammed decidedly shut.
Personally, I'm not even going to try. I may turn to the local Catholic school, which cheerfully and readily agreed to administer my SAT's when I was the homeschool student several years ago. I'm going to put in my intent notice with the minimal required information. I don't need to personally be burned to know that "they" are not inclined to be friendly towards "us". And anyone who is actually going to review any portfolio or ask any further questions... well... I will begin by giving them the benefit of the doubt and see if they are decent people personally before deciding if they are part of "Them" or simply good people doing their job.
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