Discipline without discipline

I've been talking a bit about spanking children, and gathering a bit of interest, granted mostly from someone who would like me to change my ways by not neglecting my child so that he doesn't act out. That brought to mind a few of the things I do to avoid my child's acting out, and I thought some of these things may be of interest to other parents. Probably a lot of you do this already, but maybe something will be news for someone.

Diet
The easiest way I prevent bad behavior is by watching what I get at the grocery store. I avoid food with additives whenever I can. Most importantly, I don't buy any juice or 'juice drink' that isn't 100% nothing-added juice. I look at the ingredients listing. A juice container may list juices from concentrate and pure water, or just the juices themselves. I also allow for added ascorbic acid (Vitamin C). That's it. No high fructose corn syrup, and no food coloring at all.

It's really amazing what added sugars and food coloring will do to an active little boy. I'll let him have a small glass of soda at family gatherings, and just let him bounce around with his cousins in my grandmother's huge yard until it wears off.

Exercise
Just about a hundred years ago and less, kids got a lot more physical activity than they do in modern culture, and it did them good. My son has an abundance of energy. This one isn't easy for me, since I have a few physical ailments that sap my energy level. But if you can walk while he runs circles around you, so much the better! I plan exercise opportunities and opportunities for him to play with other kids so that they can all get their energy out together!

This is one of the big reasons why I'm homeschooling him. So often children in public schools have to spend most of the day sitting still as the teacher tries to keep order enough to teach them something, and then spend much of the evening doing the homework that the teacher couldn't get them to do during classtime. My kid has his learning concentrated in periods between run-around time, and it makes him a lot more willing to learn.

Exhaustion Level
Ever had a normally sweet kid suddenly turn into a tiger? Before you automatically think he's turned into Mr. Hyde, check the clock and think about his day. Any kid (and adult!) will be grumpy when he's overstimulated and/or exhausted. If he acts up even though he's been eating like a horse and wrestling like a bear, he's probably tired as a dog. If my kid screams "No!" and cries buckets of tears over nothing, I just give him a hug and put him down for a nap (or to sleep for the night).

When mine was a baby, he would reach a point where the world was just too much for him and he couldn't keep control of himself. Simply holding him would do no good, because to an overstimulated child, your intense presence is nearly painful! So I would check his diaper and consider when he was last fed to eliminate those possibilities, try cuddling to see if that would help, and then simply put him down in his crib without turning any distraction devices on and walk away. I'd set the timer. Guaranteed, within three to five minutes of having his world reduced to four cushioned walls and utter silence, he'd straighten right out and be an angel for the rest of the day.

When dealing with babies, of course, this depends on age. Very young infants are not likely to have this kind of problem. You may also want to check his gumline to see if he's just teething. There were many times when a small packet of children's orajel did more than anything else in the world.

If my kid starts acting up at a party, I ask myself how long we've been there and consider taking him home to rest. If this happens and you don't want to leave yet, I'd suggest putting your kid in your lap and letting him/her listen to the soothing cadence of your voice and get some downtime for a while. Chances are your kid will pick up a 'second wind' and head off after a while for some more play.

Responsibility
Though I left this one for last, I don't mean to understate it's importance. A lot of times a child will act up because he simply doesn't know what to do with himself. When my son got too big to sit in the shopping cart, he threw seven kinds of fits until I made a new role for him. Now he pushes the cart.

He is all of five years old, but he's got heft to him and he can actually provide the majority of the propulsion even when the cart is very full! I let him do it himself if the aisles are wide and empty. Otherwise, I'll keep a touch on the leading edge of the cart to help guide it and prevent it from crashing. I gently correct his 'driving'. "Careful around this corner. Stop stop! You almost hit that lady.. be careful! You're doing so well!" My shopping-tantrum problems vanished.

Go ahead and push a little where chores and jobs are concerned. Don't complain about his inability to do something unless you're absolutely sure your kid is slacking off. Try him on things you don't think he can do. You might be surprised! If he can't do it, go ahead and make his way a bit easier. Don't be ridiculous, of course. A five-year-old has no call, say, changing a diaper. But mine can clear the table (and will come asking me for my dish when I'm done!), start the dishwasher, maneuver the shopping cart (with a bit of help), and clean his own room. Start your kid on simple responsibility as early as you can, while keeping it gentle. I don't punish my five-year-old for not doing his chores, but there are privileges (like watching TV or playing with certain toys) that he must earn by doing.